Retirement: A Full-Time Job

Retirement and Money Issues

In two short months I will be retired.  I've done the planning, the saving, and fantasized about it non-stop.  But now I wonder, what will I TELL people?  What if someone meets me and asks what I do for a living?  What do I put on the form for "occupation" at the dentist's office?  What if my hair stylist asks me how things have been at work since I saw her last?  I'm embarrassed to be retired, and not for the reasons you might think.  I'm embarrassed that I have enough money to retire!

What is it about money that makes me weird?  I don't want people to know I have it.  While people that know me well probably have some sense of my financial situation, they already know me and (hopefully) love me.  Their opinion of me has already been formed.  It's the new or casual acquaintance I am concerned about here.  How will their newly forming opinion of me be influenced by the revelation that what I do for a living is nothing?  I'm not sure if other people feel this way, but I think I have money issues.

I'm afraid people will make assumptions about me that aren't really true, primarily that I have so much money that I don't have to worry about it.  Believe me, I have to worry about it.  I'm 44; for two of us to be retired for maybe 50 years, we will have to worry about money, how to invest it and how NOT to spend too much of it.  My contrasting fear is that I'm afraid people will think I didn't earn the money, that someone gave it to me; or assume that my husband works, and so my being "retired" is a euphemism for my being a "lady who lunches."

So why do I care what people think?  Apparently, I am not alone.  I recently asked a young, retired friend of mine what she tells people that she doesn't know very well what she does for a living.  She has the same problem.  She tells people "I'm not working right now," or "I'm between jobs," or she says that she "used to be in finance."  She too, is embarrassed to tell people she has just met that she isn't working and that she possibly would never work again.

I had the same issue years ago when my husband and I bought a vacation home.  Friends and family, of course, knew about the house.  But I steered conversations with casual acquaintances away from what I might have done this weekend to avoid discussions that might lead to the revelation that we had a second home.  Similarly, I was embarrassed to invite newly acquainted neighbors to parties at our house because they would see that we had hired caterers, and what might the think of us then!

So it is with retirement, the dilemma of facing my money issues and my unhealthy need for approval.  While I could tell people I meet that I'm "deciding what to do next," or "taking time off," I think I'll try something like "I'm a writer," or "I write for a retirement blog."   Never mind that I only have twelve readers!

Retirement and Skinny Jeans

I have a friend that retired this year.  Well, she retired from my company to pursue her passion, the creation of her art, on a full-time basis.  She doesn't call this retirement, but in my mind, she retired from something she didn't want to do anymore (that paid her money), to something she really wanted to do (that doesn't pay her much money).  I call that retired, but I digress . . .

The remarkable thing (and the path I hope to follow) is that since she left her desk job, she has lost 14 pounds WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!  In fact, she called me a couple months ago to ask me if I thought something might be wrong with her and should she go to the doctor!

Please, God, let this happen to me (well, not the 14 pounds part, but three would be good, five would be better).  Without even trying!

If you're like me, you may think that the only thing standing between you and the body of your dreams is full-time work.  I mean, after all, we're sitting at a desk all day long (and in my office, precariously close to a kitchen full of pastries, candy, chips, sodas, junk, junk, junk.)  If only I remove myself from this sedentary environment with easy access to junk food, and  have all that time available for working out, THEN the pounds will just melt off of me exposing the muscles just waiting to be revealed.

The problem is, reality is proving otherwise.  Presumably the weekend is a good indication of the time available during retirement, right?  Well today (Sunday), after waking up late, going out to a huge, fattening breakfast with friends and FULLY intending to exercise at some point, I have instead, sat in front of this computer all day long, reading blogs, writing my own, and otherwise surfing the Internet.  I have managed to tear myself away only to walk to the kitchen (not quite as close as the one at my office) to eat handfuls of leftover chips and dip from last night's party.

Who am I kidding?  I am much more religious about working out the days I actually go to work.  When I have less time available, I can't say that I'll do it later, I have to squeeze it in when I can.  We are having dinner with friends in 30 minutes and I just plain ran out of time today, I didn't get that workout in and I have done nothing other than eat and blog.

I guess I might as well throw those skinny jeans away right now . . .

Will this Marriage Survive Retirement?

I recently read an interesting article on retirement at, ironically, CFO.com.  The article presented to me the possibility that while I may have done everything I could to plan for the financial aspects of my retirement, I may not have calculated the potential harm to my marriage that could result.

I do suspect that my retirement may be hard on my already-retired husband. Right now, he's pretty much got it made.  While he does bear the brunt of the duties at home, he does them in the way he wants and in his own time.  I have had occasion to come home at lunchtime and on such occasions he intercepts me at the front door and tells me I am forbidden from going upstairs.  He doesn't want me to see that the bed is not yet made (or maybe that's where the other woman is hiding, I don't know).

Every once in awhile I send an instant message from work at 4pm that I'm heading home early (I want to give him a chance to get that other woman out of the house).  The reply is always "oh no!" (and not because there really is another woman in the house--at least I don't think so!)  This is because he must, in that short 15 minute span of my commute home, run to each of the bathrooms, make sure the toilet seats are down, make the bed, take a shower, see that his lunch (and breakfast) dishes are in the dishwasher and the newspaper discarded.  (Why would he risk the possibility of me asking "what DID you do all day?")

He really has nothing to gain from my retirement and everything to lose.  Yes, he "gets" to have me home with him (but the value of that to him is obviously debatable.)  The way it is now is a win-win-win for him:  he doesn't have to worry about money, he doesn't have to work, and I'm not home to see that it's 4pm and he hasn't even showered yet!

Giving up the paycheck is a trade-off for me that pays off in the form of more free time.  For him, the fact that I won't be bringing home any more paychecks means that he has to now live life on a budget now AND have me underfoot, a lose-lose proposition!

The article in CFO. com goes on to suggest steps to take to maintain marital bliss during retirement, including compromise.  I am planning on taking over some of the household duties he has long held, making the bed among them (looks like I'm going to have to start pulling my own weight around here).  But the truth is, I suspect the pace of our new life together will be such that, in reality, neither one of us will be heading to the shower much before 4pm each day.