Retirement: A Full-Time Job

It's Not Losing an Identity, It's Gaining a Chance to Create a New One!

It is often said about retirement that one of the hardest adjustments is losing your work identity.  It's natural to identify with your job.  When people meet you, it is often among the first questions they ask you, what you do for a living.  When you have been in a career for decades, you become more and more identified with your work as time goes on.  I work in the finance/accounting field, and most of my friends would say my personality integrates many accountant-like qualities (although a much more outgoing, chatty version of the stereotype). 

Either from being attracted to this profession in the first place or as an evolution of my self firmly into my CPA persona, I pretty much look like an accountant.  The clothes and and jewelry I wear, how I wear my hair, and the car I drive, are all relatively conservative.  It is clear from looking at me that I am not an artist, musician, or designer.

Do I mourn the loss of this identity?  No way baby!  I can't wait to toss these green eye shades!  I can't wait to reinvent myself!  I can't wait to donate all these Ann Taylor separates to Goodwill and maybe even get an edgy haircut.  Maybe I'll even change my hair color.  If I don't have to go into work the next day after such a risk, it doesn't feel risky at all!  The big question now is, who do I want to be?  What do I want to look like?  It's a blank canvas and I get to paint any picture I want!

Will I be wearing tennis clothes all around town after having played a few sets with a friend?  Will I even get out of those dirty jeans after digging in the dirt in my garden before leaving my house?  Or do I need to get a whole new wardrobe to convey to the world that now I'm a blogger, a writer, someone creative?  (And what would those clothes look like anyway?)  Since I love to sew, maybe I will be able to create my own unique look!  Maybe I'll look like those cool-looking people in the Gap adds.  Maybe I'll shop at the teenager shops.  (Well, maybe not, I'm drawing the line at Botox, so dressing like a teenager with these lines in my face might just look pathetic.)  But hey, if pathetic is the direction I want to go, I get to!

I think it's really exciting to get a whole new chance to be whoever I want to be in the second half of my life.  I'm going to seize the opportunity to be a person that doesn't worry so much about what others think of her, who isn't afraid of looking silly, who doesn't beat herself up so much when she sticks her foot in her mouth, and who doesn't really care how bad she sounds at karaoke.  Cover your ears ladies and gentlemen, because Syd is almost retired!

An Almost True Week in the Life of a Retiree

Several months ago, I sent around an email to all my retired friends and family and asked them to be a guest contributor to my blog.  I encouraged them to share their stories about retirement, the challenges, the rewards, how they spend their time, what they look forward to.  My father-in-law contributed a great post about retiring when it wasn't really his choice.

Since all of the others on my list are too busy (or too shy) to contribute, I decided to just begin doing their guest posts for them.  The first guest post by me for the guest is "from" my mother-in-law.  It would go something like this:

Dear Sydney:

I would love to be a contributor to your blog, but unfortunately, I simply do not have the time.  My life in retirement, as it happens, is just much more busy than it was when I was working; I barely have the time to send you this email!

Tomorrow, after I go to the gym, I have my bridge club (no, not the couples bridge club, that is not until Saturday night), this is the one I go to by myself.  On Wednesday, we are having lunch with some friends and then going to the Hollywood Bowl to watch the open rehearsal of the LA Philharmonic.  Then Thursday we pick up the grandkids from school and take them to their tennis lesson and then out for dinner.  On Friday morning, I go to the gym and then Friday night we're going out to dinner with our couples group (no, this is not the one that likes the fancy restaurants, that group is next Thursday night).  Saturday is the couples bridge group--it's a pot-luck so I will spend Saturday afternoon making our contribution (after the gym, of course).

On Sunday, we were invited to see the sneak preview of "The Kite Runner" so we'll go to a late lunch with those friends first.  On Monday we have guests coming from New Jersey, so we'll be busy with them until Wednesday (I'll have to skip the gym for a few days).  The day after they leave is the dinner club that likes the nice restaurants.  Luckily, we have no plans on Friday because we need to pack for our cruise that leaves on Saturday.  This one should be much better than the one we went on last month--more interesting ports than just beaches.

We had to exchange our tickets for the ballet since we will be gone, but we will go the Friday after we get back from the cruise.

Anyway, maybe next month I'll get to your blog . . .

Love,

Mom-in-law

(Note from editor:  I already know I'll get in trouble for leaving out at least half of the things they really did, frankly, I couldn't keep track!  Note to mom-in-law:  I know I got it all mixed up, but wouldn't you say I captured the spirit?)

Retirement into a Down Market

Retirement date:  six weeks from today.  State of retirement nest egg:  down by one year's retirement living expenses in just the first TWELVE trading days of this year.  Conclusion:  OUCH!

Well thank goodness I lost a fortune in the stock market during the 2000-2001 dot-com bubble burst.  I try not to think of this too often, because I truly would like to forget it even happened.   But to make a long story short, while patiently waiting for a few of my tech stocks to get back up to their 1999 highs, I watched them drop until 2003 when I finally gave up all hope and locked in my nearly half-million dollars of losses.  (By the way, had I continued holding them through today, I wouldn't be any better off--they never recovered).  Even though the magnitude of her losses was much smaller, it is comforting to read Silicon Valley Blogger's reminiscing of similar blunders.

But thank goodness that happened to me while I still had a job and could recover from that lesson while still collecting paychecks.  Thank goodness I am NOT, just now, six weeks before retirement, learning that lesson.  Having experienced such market losses, we not only have spent the last five years building a solidly diversified portfolio, we have stockpiled three years of living expenses for retirement in CASH.  We will not be forced to liquidate at depressed values to purchase such mundane items as food and shelter.  Or worse yet, to postpone retirement!

At least there was a silver lining (a stroke of accidental diversification) during those dot-com years.  After agonizing and actually thinking it was a very foolish decision at the time, we did sell some of those high-fliers on their way down to purchase a vacation home.  Even with the recent fall in local real estate values, that chunk of change did a whole lot better than had we continued to hang on to those stocks until the bitter end.

I suppose if this market doesn't change its direction in the next three years, I'll have to start worrying about the "F" word (frugality), but that's a topic for a future post.

I Say "Retired;" You Hear "Dead"

What is it about the word "retiring" that makes people think I said "dying?"  Merriam-Webster defines retired as "withdrawn from one's position or occupation : having concluded one's working or professional career."  It defines dead as "deprived of life : no longer alive."  Not even close!

In reading about Lee Kuan Yew's recent proclamation "Retirement Means Death" one observer writes:

But even [if] I were to have all the comforts and security of pension fund, I doubt if I would ever retire. My agitated mind would unlikely to let my body do nothing. Despite various convincing comments by readers, I would still agree with LKY that ‘ Retirement for me is indeed a Death’.

In an article in FastCompany.com (thanks But What Now) we are advised against retiring at all:

We often dream about all the things we'll do once we retire. What we don't think about is how much we'll hate it.

In the article, "Dave's" company was acquired and he was able to retire at the young age of 48.  After 6 months Dave was miserable!

One day, a deliveryman came over to drop off a package. Dave's house was his last stop for the day, so Dave asked him in. Over a cup of coffee, the two engaged in what became a fascinating discussion. The courier surprised Dave with his keen insight into current global problems and his grasp of complex economic issues.

"What a neat conversation," Dave later thought. "In fact, that conversation was so much fun, it was the highlight of my week!"

It was a revelation. When my friend looked in the mirror that afternoon, he saw the face of a guy who had been watching reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond on TV. For fun, he was playing mediocre golf and listening to old men at the country club repeat the same old war stories about what they used to do. He asked himself, "Did I just say the highlight of my week was bullshitting with the delivery guy about the world's problems?"

Within two weeks, Dave had a new job. He realized that retirement, or even thinking and planning for retirement, isn't all that it may seem to be.

I have run across many other bloggers for whom retirement seems distasteful:  "who wants to play golf all the time?", "who wants to watch TV all day?", " who wants to sit around doing nothing?"  Well certainly not me!

Could Dave really not think of ANYTHING else to do with his time besides watch Everybody Loves Raymond or go back to work?  Can the first Prime Minister of the Republic of Singapore not think of any alternative to work other than dying?  And why would your "agitated mind" need to let your body do NOTHING?

Now I would generally agree with Minerva at the Retirement Merry Go Round that it's not my place to try and tell others how to live out their retirement years.  But I'm going to go out on a limb here:  Don't watch TV all day, don't sit around doing nothing, and by all means don't, under any circumstance, even think about playing golf (well, that's just me).  Go live your life; I'm sure you can find one if you try!

Retirement Resolutions That Didn't Make the Cut

In making resolutions for the first year of my retirement, there are some resolutions that I intentionally omitted.  They are things that I do intend to do in my retirement but have no intention of doing the first year (or possibly even two) of my retirement.  I ran across a "retirement transitions list" on a newly discovered blog (But What Now?)  Her recommendation to initially just give yourself time to "be" hits the nail on the head for me:

I may be speaking only for myself, although I don’t think so. As humans we tend to want to fill every void with some new activity, some new decision, a fix or something, anything, to keep us from just being with ourselves as we move from one life phase to another. I remember when I was younger and I was unemployed for a period of time. Looking back on it now, I had enough money and resources to live on, but I stressed about finding a new job to the detriment of being able to just enjoy the time off and let myself be with just not knowing for this short time. Imagine if I had spent each day meditating when I first woke up instead of worrying!

With decades of retirement in front of me, here are the items that did not make the cut for the first year's agenda:

1.  Get a dog

While it's possible there is another dog in my future, I must admit that the last two years have been a lot easier in many ways without a dog.  I loved having Murphy the Very Bad Beagle for those 14 years, but I sure don't miss the guilt and hassle associated with leaving her when we went on vacation.  It was always hard imposing on friends and family to take care of her, and we never could bring ourselves to board her at a kennel.  That's a lot of Karma points I owe to other dog-owner-friends in my future to pay back all the kindness of those saintly people that stayed with our Murphy over those 14 years. 

2.  Volunteer

There are many organizations I can see myself donating my time to, most notably one of the local animal shelters (the biggest problem here is being able NOT to do non-resolution #1.  If I am exposed to all those homeless doggies, I'm not sure I could resist bringing one home immediately!)  Another (retired) blogger (Boomer Baby--On Retirement) polled her other retired friends for their thoughts and advice on retirement.  One retiree advised:

Don't volunteer for at least one year. Give yourself time to do the things you've been putting off since retirement.

I think this is good advice for me a) so I don't just wind up jumping from one job (the current one that pays me money) to another (that doesn't), b) so I take the time (at my new slower pace) to decide which volunteer opportunity appeals to me most, and c) to follow the advice of another On Retirement contributor:

Give yourself 18 months to decompress -- then start planning for the rest of your life!

3.  Get a "fun" (read low-paying) job

After "decompressing" from my 22-year career in finance, I do think my retirement path will lead me to many new interests, some of which may lead to a new job.  This time around though, it would just be to do something I'm really excited about, and I think it may take some time to know what that would be.  So just as with the volunteer job, I would rather take the time to see where things lead and what opportunities arise.  (Perhaps it will even be a "paid volunteer" job as described in this NY Times article, a growing trend?)

4.  Take classes/learn something new

There are a million things I would love to learn, more Spanish, Italian, and French, and improve my knitting, sewing and cooking skills.  There are many subjects I didn't study in school that I would also like to learn about like psychology, religion, philosophy, maybe history.  If I were to pursue a new career, I might have to take classes for that (and it could be any number of interests, interior design, sports physiology, nutrition, social welfare, or whatever a person would study that might want to open a doggy gym or doggy hotel).  While I might take a class or two in the first year(s) of retirement, I've got time to narrow the list a bit as I discover more about who I am when I'm not a finance professional.

6.  Travel

Now this is definitely something I want to spend more time doing in retirement, though not necessarily in the first year or two.  Since we will be moving into our current vacation home for a few years (before we have to sell it to help finance the retirement), I want to spend time enjoying living the wine-country life for a few years before selling that house and embarking on other travels near and far.  Also, it will be good to get a sense of how we are doing living on our new budget before we do a whole lot of travel as this is definitely a discretionary expense.

7.  Lose weight

Isn't this resolution supposed to be on everyone's resolution list every year?  The reason it wasn't on my original resolution list is that 13 days ago I weighed 4 pounds less (pre-Mexican vacation).  If I were writing the list today, another resolution would have to be to lose 4 pounds!

See, it's a good thing I'm only 44 years old so I have plenty of time to get to them all!

Retirement Resolutions

Well it's that time of year for making resolutions for the new year.  This new year will include my retirement from work, so I think it makes sense to make retirement resolutions this time.

1.  Don't get lazy

My weekends lately have been filled with sleeping late, reading the paper while having my breakfast, checking out blogs, followed by knitting or reading, perhaps having some lunch, and then thinking about maybe getting a workout in--all while STILL IN MY PAJAMAS.  Perhaps if I simply get out of my pajamas and into my workout clothes after breakfast, that would get me on my way to achieving this resolution.

2.  Get my garden in shape

My garden is filled with weeds.  Sure, I blame the eight hours a day I spend at work for the state of my garden.  If only I didn't work I would surely have no weeds, right?  Well, in the last 12 weekends, I have managed NOT to get out there even once to take care of that.  Sure, some weekends were pouring down rain, some we were out of town.  But I'm afraid that when I'm retired my garden will still be filled with weeds.

3.  Get my body in shape

See #1 above--unless I can actually get out of my pajamas before dinner, I don't see how I'm going to get those workouts in.  Of course we all blame our jobs for not getting the time to exercise that we really "want" (see Skinny Jeans).  When there is always "later" to exercise, I will need to figure a way to not put this one off beyond the finish of the day (and beyond the one that follows.)

4.  Be sure to read actual books

This blogging stuff can be addictive, reading others' blogs, linking to their blog roll and then to the next.  I need to step away from the computer and read some actual books during my retirement.

5.  Socialize

It will take more effort to actually socialize with people when I don't have a job to go to.  Every day, at work I have an instant social life.  Hearing about what's going on in my co-workers' lives, sharing my life, giving advice to those that ask for it--that whole circle will be gone.  I will have to make more effort in order to have daily human interaction.  One of my retirement goals will be not to get stuck in an isolation rut and to make the effort to connect with friends and family.

6.  Create

Sewing, knitting, even just creating dinner; I have been lusting after time to sew some clothes, knit some gifts, explore the kitchen.  Now my resolution is to actually do these things.  There are many rooms I want to paint in my house, now I have no excuse not to get that done (except the excuse of gardening, exercising, reading actual books and socializing). 

I can see this retirement thing is going to take much more time than the 8 hours a day previously devoted to my job!

Nostalgia About Being Poor

I wonder, does everyone do this?  Look back upon years past, when we were less well off (WAY less well off) with fondness and maybe even yearning?  A couple of nights ago, my husband and I had dinner with my aunt and uncle.  I hadn't seen them in over ten years (which is embarrassing because they only live ten minutes from my house!)  Even though my husband met them years ago, Doug never really had a chance for in-depth conversation with them and so was really, just now, getting to know them at this dinner.

My aunt and uncle have four grown children who have produced a total of 11 grandchildren.  Doug asked my uncle what he thought the best part of all those raising-kids-years was, including now with all the grandchildren.  He instantly recalled "way back when we were poor, those were the best times."  He went on to say how the important parts of life are the times we spend with others, and the experiences we share.  Their vacations back then, for lack of money, consisted almost exclusively of camping trips with their four girls and a couple other families to practically every national park in the western states.

My aunt and uncle recently took their whole family, 21 people in all, to Hawaii for a big birthday celebration.  While they had a blast together, he reminisced back to the days before game boy, computer games, DVD collections (even TV for that matter) on vacations.  The kids found things to do in the wilderness, creating their own games and really enjoying one another's company.

Having money makes things easy, convenient, maybe too convenient.  Maybe we are missing out on life's simple pleasures when we rely on the things money can buy to entertain us rather than just enjoying being together, creating our own fun.  Sometimes it's hard to filter out what the media or society is telling us we need to have, from what we know really makes us happy.  Back in the days when we were less well off, we couldn't afford to indulge in what the outside world was telling us we should have, we just didn't have the money.  So we created our own fun; perhaps that's why many of us look back to those days with fondness.  We were forced to listen to our own ideas of happiness simply because we could not afford to do otherwise.