That's the Way I See It, Maybe You See It Differently

I don't remember whose blog I was reading when I read these words, but I do remember the scene.  The author was talking about their father, who would engage in a soliloquy of opinion at the dinner table, while the family looked on, listening in silence.  An onlooker might have thought that at the end, the family members would contribute their opinions.  Instead, when he finished his diatribe he would say, "Well, that's the way I see it, maybe you see it differently."

That strikes me now as very efficient.

On Friday night, we were out with some friends.  They were telling us about a recent homework assignment of their eighth grade daughter's.  She was supposed to bring home the following questions to pose to her parents:  "Think of a time where you debated an issue with someone and you were able to convince the other person to change their mind.  How did this make you feel about yourself?  How did this make you feel about the other person?"

Well it's a good thing we don't have kids, we would have flunked this assignment.  I racked my brain and could not think of even ONE time when, as a consequence of a discussion or debate about an issue, I was ever able to convert someone with an opposing view, to mine.  Not one.  (On the flip side, I can't think of one time when someone with an opposing view convinced me to change my opinion either.)  Maybe there have been some, but it's fair to say it would have been a rare occurrence.

Is it just me, or is this the outcome of most debates among people?  And if it is, why on earth do we spend so much time writing our opinions in blog posts, listening to political debates between the talking heads on cable news shows, and having heated discussions with our friends at dinner parties?  It couldn't possibly be because we operate under the illusion that we can actually change people's minds?

I don't think it is.  I think the sharing of our opinions is just one of the many ways we humans make a connection with each other.  Whether we are in agreement or not, we are connecting with another person.  I think it's that connection we are looking for, not the chance to sway opinion.

A while back I received the following comments on one of my posts:

"Oh and by the way, I notice you're not actually "deciphering" anything with this blog post as the title insinuates.  You're just using it as a grandstand for transparently biased political views, and I guess you honestly believe you're sapient enough to convert the minds of strangers to your way of thinking. . ."

and

"You have probably met many undecided voters.  However, most just give an insincere version of the local party line (mine is the opposite of yours) to avoid conversion/conversation like this."

So, maybe the human connection thing isn't really what everyone's after.  Perhaps there are some that are more comfortable in connections where there is mutual agreement.

But for those of us that do like putting our opinions out there for anyone to agree or disagree with, I find Peggy Noonan's quote from an October 2008 Wall Street Journal column instructional, "You owe your readers not your industry only but your judgment, and you betray instead of serve them if you sacrifice it to what may or may not be their opinion."  

Well, that's the way I see it, maybe you see it differently.

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Comments

[Sara]

Well, in our family we love to express our opinions loudly and strongly...although we already all agree. It must be that communication thing! or we all just enjoy agreeing.

I can't ever remember changing an "outsiders" opinion either . . .and where DO they get those crazy ideas!

[Retired Syd]

@Sara: That's funny, your family sounds exactly like mine :)

[vicki d]

lol!