Retirement: A Full-Time Job

Happily Obsessed

A few weeks ago I introduced you to a few people in the blogosphere that are also writing about retiring early in life.  I can’t believe I forgot to include Tim at Canadian Dream, the fist of such bloggers I discovered when searching for others of a similar mind.

A couple days ago, he wrote a post about coping with his obsession with retirement, which made me laugh because he described my own retirement obsession perfectly.  Anyone that knows me though, knows this is not the only thing I obsess about.  I don’t really like the word obsess, I prefer “engage with passion” or “exude excitement about,” but I digress.  Tim suggested some tips to get you over such an obsession in the interest of actually enjoying your life right now.

A few years ago, while on a spa vacation with my friend Vicki, I booked a session with a therapist there.  She asked me what brought me in.  I told her that I weighed myself every morning and I wanted to know whether this was normal.   Well, what she didn’t say was that I was perfectly normal, that everyone does this, and that it probably is how I maintain this petite figure.  She instead asked me, “What else do you obsess about?”

I hadn’t really thought of weighing myself as an obsession, it was just something I did in the morning when I got up.  But she was right; I told her the truth, “Everything."  She asked me for specifics.  I started by telling her that I reviewed my financial situation every day—sometimes more than once a day.  She asked me how that made me feel.  I said I loved it, because I wanted to retire early and I enjoyed watching my progress and fantasizing about retirement.  She said good.

She asked me about vacations, was I the type to wing-it or did I have to plan every hotel room, every train ride,  and every restaurant reservation.  Well of course I had to plan every detail.  That was half the fun; combing through travel books picturing myself there, fantasizing about all the fun I would have.  She said good.

Then she asked me how I felt when I weighed myself every morning.  Well this was a no-brainer.  If it was less than the previous day, I felt fabulous; if it was more, it pissed me off for the rest of the day.  She said not so good.  She said there is nothing wrong with obsessing about things.  It was part of my personality (and gave me some theories—absolutely right, by the way—about why that was).  As long as my obsessions gave me pleasure that was great.  It was a way to enjoy my future retirement early, a way to extend the fun of vacations by savoring them in advance.   That was all fine, she said, but I had to give up obsessions that did not make me happy.

She told me that if she had several months to work with me, she would work me up to throwing out my bathroom scale.  But she knew I wasn’t ready for that.  So she recommended instead, that before I got on the scale each morning, I should ask myself what kind of frame of mind I am in.  Will it ruin my day if the scale says something bad?  If it will, don’t get on the scale that day.

So go ahead, obsess about retirement if you want, but only if it makes you happy.

Happily Retired with the Science to Back Me Up

I've been very happy so far in retirement and it turns out it's not just me, there is actual scientific proof confirming my happiness.  This article in yesterday's Wall Street Journal discusses a recent study of what makes people happy.  Turns out we Americans are no more happy than a generation ago even though our standard of living has risen significantly.  Why is this?

Well, the study isolates three factors contributing to happiness.  The first is a basic predisposition toward happiness (no problem here).  The second is life circumstances, which, by the way is only influential to a point.  Previous studies show that once your basic needs are taken care of, more and more improvements to your circumstances (think, more and more money) do not make you happier.

What is new about this research is the addition of the third factor.  And good news, this is the one you actually have significant control over--how you spend your time.  Apparently, those that were happiest reported spending their time in "leisure and spiritual activities."

"things like visiting friends, exercising, attending church, listening to music, fishing, reading a book, sitting in a cafe or going to a party.  When we spend time on our favorite of these activities, we're typically happy, engrossed and not especially stressed."

No wonder I've been so happy, I've been doing exactly these things (well, not the church or fishing part, but certainly the other ones.)  I didn't really need a scientific study to tell me this, but it is nice to hear that I figured this one out all on my own.  Turns out I am just that brilliant.

Now, while everyone is not currently in a position to quit their day jobs to spend more time pursuing happiness, this article does have an answer for this dilemma.  You can increase your happiness by engaging in more of these leisure activities by giving up an activity that does not add to your happiness--watching TV!  Turns out this may be one of the reasons our happiness has not increased over the last 40 years.  We have not increased the time devoted to activities that give us satisfaction, we have apparently just increased the time we spend watching TV.

Not sure my husband buys this, though.  I think his happiness would be dramatically reduced if I canceled the cable and tossed all the TVs.  So much for science.

Retirement and the Temptation to Get a Dog

Gosh, I can really see why it's a good idea for retired people to own a dog.  I just finished dog-sitting for this beautiful black Lab, Molly, an exceptionally good dog.  I definitely see the benefits that having her around brought to this retired gal.

Getting out of bed

Molly was pretty much ready for action at 7:00 am.  She wasn't obnoxious about it, she tried very hard not to be impatient, but she was definitely ready to get up as the sun rose, and by 7 wanted to get started with her day.  So, I got up at 7am too.  This is at least an hour before my normal retirement hour of rising.

Getting dressed

Since, when rising at 7am, I knew it was just a matter of time before we were going to go out for our walk, I got dressed as soon as I got out of bed.  For those of you who have been paying attention, this is several (and I mean several) hours before I have been getting dressed over these past three weeks of my retirement.

Getting out of your own head

Having Molly follow me around all day, I was often thinking about whether she needed anything; is she hungry, is she bored, does she need a walk, does she need to be let outside?  This certainly took my mind off of whatever I was thinking about, which was probably not very important anyway.  I can see how, an older person with possible aches and pains, could benefit.  Thinking about what your pet needs certainly takes your mind off of whatever is ailing you.  It's nice to be thinking about someone else, even if that someone else is an animal.

Getting some exercise

No excuses, she doesn't understand English.  She doesn't understand "I'm too tired. I don't feel like getting exercise today."  And when that leash comes out and she does the happy dance (which involves two twirls and a double-pawed high-five), I can't help but be excited to go on a walk too!  And once I'm out, I start noticing what she notices:  the birds, a pretty (for her fragrant) flower, a squirrel running across the street.  Not only is she getting me out for some fresh air and exercise, she's bringing me in the moment, which I'm not often in.

Relaxing

The health benefits of having a dog are well documented.  This New York Times Article discusses some of these benefits.

"A Melbourne study of 6,000 people showed that owners of dogs and other pets had lower cholesterol, blood pressure and heart attack risk compared with people who didn’t have pets."

Well I can understand why.  The truth is, just having her nap at my feet relaxed me.  There is something very comforting about having a dog just hang out with you.  I did feel like my blood pressure was down a few notches.

Now I have to remember, that for now, I want the freedom to travel without guilt.  So, I will have to be content with taking care of friends' dogs and will try and resist the temptation to get one of my own.

Mozart, Retirement, and Having My Whole Life Out in Front of Me

My friend Vicki and I have been going to the symphony together for over 20 years now.  Last night's program was my favorite in a long, long time; all Mozart.  Jonathan Biss, a 20-something year old prodigy played Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 22 in E-flat major, K 482 with such emotional intensity I could not get over how young he is.  The whole program brought me back to all those years ago, when Vicki and I first started attending the concerts together.  We were studying for our Master's in Tax at Golden Gate University (which she went on to complete, I did not).  We were young and just starting out our professional careers.  I remembered what it felt like back then to sit there, listening, just basking in the excitement of living my future and having my whole life out in front of me.

I have not felt that way for a very long time, but did again during that piece last night.  My mind wandered back to when I was 17 years old.  I was nearing graduation from high school.  I used to go shopping at a mall that I had always thought was so very sophisticated.  There was a cafe there that I always wanted to eat in, it was really only a cafeteria-style restaurant, but to me it represented a taste of what I wanted my future life to be about.  They had beautiful prepared foods behind a case and they played classical music, and it always seemed very elegant women were eating there.  I pictured myself there drinking a cappuccino and listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons, perhaps reading a book.  I was, in general, so excited about soon going off to college and figuring out what my life would be.  I had my whole life out in front of me!

Last night, my mind drifted to another time when I felt such an overwhelming thrill at the possibilities my life had in store for me.  I was getting ready to graduate college, and had my job in hand at a Big Eight accounting firm in San Francisco.  This time it wasn't Vivaldi or Mozart that filled me with such emotion, but an MJB coffee commercial, ("MJB tastes good when it should").  They had a commercial showing a single, young woman waking up in her big city apartment, rising from bed, relishing her cup of coffee before going off to her professional-career-woman job.  "That's me," I thought, "I am her!"  It reminded me of Marlo Thomas in "That Girl," and Mary Tyler Moore, "you're going to make it after all."  (Yes, the times have changed, at that time those were my only media role models for single, professional women out on their own.)  Every time I saw that MJB commercial, my eyes welled up; I was so happy about my future and what life had in store for me.

Somewhere over the last 22 years since graduating college, I just got to the business of living my happy life, taking it all for granted, never really thinking about it anymore.  It just operates on autopilot.  But now, I feel exactly as I did when I graduated from high school, and then again when I graduated from college.   Where might I take my life now?  During last night's intermission when I was discussing my future with Vicki, I said "March 1st, the first day after I graduate, I mean retire," and then laughed as Vicki pointed out it IS kind of like graduating.

The familiarity of that feeling, brought back to me by a Mozart piano concerto, filled me with wonderment; I have got my whole life out in front of me again.

Save for Later, Live for Now

I'm not really sure if I am just so brilliant that I made this up, or if I actually read it somewhere and am now plagiarizing?  Save like you'll live for 50 years in retirement but live like you only have six months to live.  And I don't mean by spending 50 years of savings in six months!

If you only had six months to live, what would you do?  Would you still go to work every day or would you spend more time with friends and family?  Would you go buy stuff or would you spend your money on shared experiences instead?  Would you enjoy the simple things in life or do you think you would still obsess because your Starbuck's latte isn't hot enough.

I'm thinking about this episode of "House" (or was it "Gray's Anatomy," now I can't remember), but the doctor told his patient that he had six months to live.  Turns out the team misdiagnosed him and he was actually fine.  When he found out about the error, the patient was really mad--he came back to the hospital ready to sue.  They all thought he would be happy that he gets to live after all, but he was angry because he quit his job, sold his house, planned for travel, and basically started to enjoy his life.  He was mad because, since now he had his whole life in front of him, he had to go back to being miserable.  Well that's one approach, huh?

Now, I'm not suggesting that you run from your responsibilities or act impulsively.  The point I'm trying to make is that if there are things you want to be doing, the time is now.  I am quite aware that not everyone can afford to retire right now, of course.  But that doesn't mean that you have to work yourself to death for the hope that sometime, in the future you can enjoy yourself.  And if you do really have enough money to retire (yes, more is always better, but I'm talking about enough), wouldn't you just kick yourself if you kept on working and then kicked the bucket before you got a chance to do the things you wanted to do in life?

I'm not trying to be morbid, just float the idea that the time to live the life you want is now.  And in terms of figuring out the right time to retire, I think Ernie Zelinski hit it on the head:

Retiring too early doesn't pose too serious a problem; you can always go back to full time work and give retirement another go sometime later.  On the other hand, retiring too late means you don't get another chance to do it right.  Put another way, if you put it off too long, upon your retirement you may find out that the best time to pursue your dreams and enjoy life to the fullest was twenty years ago."

Nostalgia About Being Poor

I wonder, does everyone do this?  Look back upon years past, when we were less well off (WAY less well off) with fondness and maybe even yearning?  A couple of nights ago, my husband and I had dinner with my aunt and uncle.  I hadn't seen them in over ten years (which is embarrassing because they only live ten minutes from my house!)  Even though my husband met them years ago, Doug never really had a chance for in-depth conversation with them and so was really, just now, getting to know them at this dinner.

My aunt and uncle have four grown children who have produced a total of 11 grandchildren.  Doug asked my uncle what he thought the best part of all those raising-kids-years was, including now with all the grandchildren.  He instantly recalled "way back when we were poor, those were the best times."  He went on to say how the important parts of life are the times we spend with others, and the experiences we share.  Their vacations back then, for lack of money, consisted almost exclusively of camping trips with their four girls and a couple other families to practically every national park in the western states.

My aunt and uncle recently took their whole family, 21 people in all, to Hawaii for a big birthday celebration.  While they had a blast together, he reminisced back to the days before game boy, computer games, DVD collections (even TV for that matter) on vacations.  The kids found things to do in the wilderness, creating their own games and really enjoying one another's company.

Having money makes things easy, convenient, maybe too convenient.  Maybe we are missing out on life's simple pleasures when we rely on the things money can buy to entertain us rather than just enjoying being together, creating our own fun.  Sometimes it's hard to filter out what the media or society is telling us we need to have, from what we know really makes us happy.  Back in the days when we were less well off, we couldn't afford to indulge in what the outside world was telling us we should have, we just didn't have the money.  So we created our own fun; perhaps that's why many of us look back to those days with fondness.  We were forced to listen to our own ideas of happiness simply because we could not afford to do otherwise.