Retirement: A Full-Time Job

How to Fit in Without Kids

 

I’ve recently become addicted to the TV show, Dexter.  For those of you that don’t know, Dexter is a serial killer, but really, a very likable guy.  Being a serial killer in a mostly law-abiding society isn’t easy.  Dexter has to work hard to study social norms so he can fit in with the non-killers.  Part of the fun of the show is watching how he learns the basics of fitting into society. 

If you decide not to have children, you’re also going to have to learn how to fit in to a world that doesn’t understand you.  When people find out that you don’t want kids, be prepared for their shock.  But take comfort in the fact that it’s not as bad as their reaction would be if they found out you were secretly a serial killer.  For those of you that stumbled on to my blog, not because of retirement, but because of my post and radio spot on not having kids, here are a few tips for fitting in without kids.

1)   Take a genuine interest in the kids of your friends and family.  It’s the center of their universe.  To be part of their universe, you need to appreciate all the parts of their lives, that means their kids, too.  Remember, you can have as much fun with them as you want and then you get to leave them there at the end of the evening.

2)   Don’t tell stories about how a kid kicked your airplane seat the whole way from San Francisco to New York, or how you had a screaming baby at the booth next to you at dinner last night.  People will brand you a child-hater and you won’t fit in.

3)   Don’t talk about all those wonderful vacations you take to tropical resorts that don’t allow children, or bike trips you took through the French countryside.  Now you’re just rubbing it in.

4)   When people ask if you have kids, say, “No, we don’t,” and don’t volunteer that you didn’t actually want them.  They will feel better thinking that you couldn’t have them rather than that you are rejecting their lifestyle outright.  Plus they might feel sorry for you and be even nicer to you.

5)   And finally, never ever give reasons when they ask you why you never had them.  You are just asking for them to barrage you with all the reasons you should have.  Better to say, “we just never wanted them,” and remain an enigma.  If you give reasons, you risk offending them with all the reasons you like your life so much exactly the way it is.

Related Posts:

            What Not Having Kids Have to do with Retirement?

            My Path to Retirement

            Retirement:  Reflections on Choosing a Career

 

This is a post from Retirement:  A Full-Time Job

 

What Do You Wish You Did Ten Years Ago (Ten Years From Now)?

What musical instrument do you wish you had practiced when you were a kid so you could have been really good at it now?  That's the question we pondered recently with some friends over dinner.  We all lamented how we we'd be so good now, if only we had stuck with those piano, guitar, or flute lessons some 30 years ago.

It got me thinking about ten years from now, sitting around the same dinner table with the same friends.  What will we wish then, that we had picked up ten years ago?  

Ten years from now, ten years ago is now!  

Why look back 10, 20, or 30 years from now wishing you had taken the time to learn an instrument, a foreign language, or a creative art?  What subjects do you wish you had studied in college if only you weren't so busy learning something so boring as accounting?  What countries would you have liked to have visited while you were still healthy enough to travel?  Which sports do you wish you had spent more time playing?

Now is the time.  Ten years from now I want to say, "I'm so glad I played more tennis, I got so much better and it's kept me in such good shape!"  I want to say, "That was so great how I brushed up on my Spanish and spent that month practicing while traveling in Spain."  I would like to say, "how fun it is it that now I can play songs on the piano that all my friends can join in singing to at parties."  

It's too easy to fall for the idea that it's too late, if you didn't do it while you were younger, you missed your chance.  No matter how many years you have in front of you, don't let your future self look back on your current self and wonder why you didn't do something that you always wished you could have done.

Related Posts:

Using Retirement to Get Really Good at Something

Believing in the Dream

Retirement Won't Cure the Fear of Failure

What Five Things Make You Most Happy (and Why Aren't You Doing Them?)

Thank God It's Monday

It used to be that I dreaded Monday mornings, the end of all that fun, the return to the grind of another workweek.  It was enough to make a girl drink to excess on Sunday nights.

Not anymore.

Now I can't wait until Monday morning so ALL YOU PEOPLE will go back to work and let me rest!

Weekends are a whirlwind of activity, attending or throwing dinner parties, traveling to visit out-of-town friends, or hosting the out-of-towners in our home.  We pack our weekends full with social activities because when the weekdays hit, most of our friends don't have the time to squeeze a significant social life into their busy workweeks.

Thank goodness!

This weekend a couple of families with kids ranging in age from 3 to 14 years old came to visit and enjoy our small town's Fourth of July celebration.  We hosted a barbeque, joined in the cheering of our local parade, and then hit the county fair to watch the fireworks and subject ourselves to the spinning, twirling, dropping, and otherwise gut-jostling rides.

Did I mention the spinning and the twirling and the jostling?  For these kids, it seems a ride is just not all that it could be unless an adult is cajoled into riding with them so they can laugh at the color her face is turning with each rotation of the Orbiter, Teacup, or Tilt O'Whirl.  Yes, I was that coerced adult, and spent the entire day in a state of dizziness and nausea.

Thank God it's Monday!  They all have to head home for work and I get to sit on stationary objects.

Related Posts:

Being Retired is Kind of Like Being Benjamin Button

Retired Life in the Fast Lane

Sunday Evening Blues

Reflections on My First Year of Retirement: Link Intermission

I've been reflecting, over the past week, on the first year of my retirement.  I've posted so far about the retirement issues that I found to be easier than I had expected:  money, identity, and boredom.

Before I get started on the things that were different than I had expected, I'd like to take a reflection intermission and share some links from others in the blogosphere.

Ram at An Experiment in Retirement addressed the issue of couples getting on each other's nerves when they both retire.  My husband hardly ever reads my blog, unless a mutual friend tells him there is something interesting in it.  So, I have to be careful when I write my own post on that topic, as it might be considered interesting.  For now, the short answer is, yes we do.

As I said in my most recent post, boredom was not a problem during my first year of retirement, but choices were.  As Steve at Brip Blap attests to, the freedom of choice can be overwhelming.  After spending so many years being who you need to be for your career, it's easy to lose touch with your own dreams.  A clue to finding them, from Tim at Canadian Dream:  look back at your childhood dreams.  No better time than in retirement, in my opinion

In that post Tim asks, "What would happen if more of us took a risk on happiness?"  Well it looks like Jacob at Early Retirement Extreme is doing just that.  He has quit his career to go do something he feels more passionately about, even though it means a substantial hit to his income.

Always attracted to half-full thinking, I loved Analise's post about her 92-year old neighbor.  I agree, her positive attitude probably has a lot to do with her longevity.

Nicole has returned from a long blogging hiatus to encourage an attitude adjustment as well, and remind us that we have it pretty good here.  

"Life is pretty good when it's lived in the world's top few percent.  And if you have the means to read this, you are in that top. . .

Gratitude has been swapped for entitlement.  If we all strive for simplicity we'd earn our food, shelter, and relationships with vigor and ease.  It is our delusion that life requires more, that causes unhappiness. . . Those that cannot understand this are the very ones who live in their lives sad and depressed."

In light of my recent post about who to blame in this housing crisis, I was thrown for a loop by the debate over here about walking away from your mortgage all together.  Here we are debating whether the government should help people that want to try and keep their homes, and there's a whole segment that doesn't even want help, they are just going to walk.  I know which alternative I think is preferable for the economy and for society.

I always enjoy a good post about the Latte Factor.  And my favorite, in part, for the title itself, It seems Jesus doesn't give a rat's ass how much tax I pay.

Healthy, Wealthy, Wise, and Happy Links

I sat down and caught up on the many great blogs in my reader tonight and wanted to share a few of my favorite posts:

Healthy:

One of my very dear friends launched his public commitment to lose weight in a new blog, The Facebook Diet (which started with his 600+ friends on Facebook).  In the first 28 days, he's lost an amazing 22 pounds, and his whole family is right there with him, losing a cumulative 67 pounds in the month of February.  Even if you don't want to lose weight, I recommend a visit, just for the wonderful writing.

Modern Gal writes about the link between healthy living and healthy finances.

MoneyNing suggests you write down your goals for health, wealth, and relationships as a technique to try and reign in worry.

Wealthy:

Steve at Brip Blap contemplates whether there is a link between Intelligence and Wealth.

A guest post over at Get Rich Slowly talks about The Ongoing Battle with Lifestyle Inflation, one of the big roadblocks to an early retirement, in my opinion.

Wise:

Over at Scordo, Vincent directs our attention to some silver-linings during this recession.  

Happy:

Tim at Canadian Dream ponders happiness and MonyNing discusses whether The Eternal Pursuit of Wealth actually brings happiness.  

And More:

And as a fellow blogger without kids, I enjoyed reading the discussion of Plonkee's Musings on Child-free Lives.

Retirement: Too Much Fun, Too Little Time to Blog

Poor neglected blog; I just got back from a road trip visiting another retired friend and am now behind on blog posts and two meme tags.  Even in this full-time job that is the unfettered pursuit of happiness, there are still not enough hours in the day!

When I was a kid, my absolute favorite show was the Carol Burnett Show.  Ive been thinking about that lately since hearing that Harvey Korman died.  I remember vividly how much I actually wanted to BE Carol Burnett.

In the sixth grade, our teacher had each of us write an autobiography, which I unearthed this week.  I had so much fun reading this and, in light of my recent post about wanting to grow up to be an actress, will share some excerpts from that great literary work. 

From Chapter V--My Opinions, Wishes and Dreams:

"I wish that Tim Conway and Carol Burnett lived next door to me and we were good friends.  I wish people would not tell secrets in front of me. . ."

"When I grow up, I am going to become an actress, comedian, and singer (like Carol Burnett).  I want to have my own variethy show and if I don't, I want a show like Mary Tyler Moore.  I am going to get married to a person who won't mind me working and we won't have kids until I don't have an every week show.  When I don't have a steady job, I am going to write books."

"If I don't become an actress and all that (which I doubt very much), then I want to become a publisher for two reasons:  1)  the first reason is I like to read, 2) the second reason is because I like to discover new talent."

From Chapter IV--My Hobbies:

"I also love acting.  I have been in many plays."

"My last hobby is writing.  I like to write poems and stories when I have nothing to do."

And there you have it, I still like to write when I have nothing to do.  It's just that I've had a lot to do this week, and so haven't been writing (or playing meme tag.)  Thirty-two years later and I'm not much different from that sixth-grade girl.

  

I Hate Nature

   

I hate nature.  Don't get me wrong, I love looking at it out the window from the comfort of my couch.  I just don't like it when it joins me on the couch, as the tick did last night.

A couple of weeks after I retired, we moved into our vacation home.  Our plan is to live here for a few years before selling it to finance our golden years.  It's in a beautiful wooded spot, but living here is really going to test the mettle of this bug/rodent/snake skittish girl.

The bugs that call this place home are a varied and ugly bunch.  A friend that was living here a couple of years ago found a scorpion in the house, so now I am very vigilant about my surroundings at all times.  A midnight trip to the bathroom is not without its anxieties.  The decision to just hold it 'till morning often trumps comfort.  I am reluctant to risk putting my feet on the floor in the dark--the territory of who knows what creepy-crawly.

I was not one of those children fascinated with bugs and would never have been found actually picking one up.  I was the child that ran shrieking the other way (and haven't changed much since growing up). 

Our first night after moving up here I had banished Doug to the guest room for snoring infractions.  At 2am he was up, all the lights were on, and a look of panic was on his face.  "Do you hear that?"  I didn't hear that.  "I'm not sleeping in that room, there's a NOISE."  He came to join me.

I put earplugs in.  "Do you hear that?"  (He shook me awake since I had earplugs in--so, no, I didn't hear that, but thanks for waking me up AGAIN.)  I listened until I heard what he heard--a rodent party of some sort in the attic or below the house.  Mickey must have scored some primo nuts because they were really living it up.  Party's over now, we've trapped 6 mice under the house since that night.

Now the biggest invader in the house is the Box Elder bug.  They are all over the outside of the house and are mating in the landscaping mulch.  Many have found their way inside.  If you smash them, they leave a red spot, so you really have to pick them up, something that I am unwilling to do.  If Doug is not here, I have to get the vacuum hose.  Three feet away is about as close as I want to get to most of the creatures sharing my home.

It's a good thing our front door is windowed.  Because I think if I had opened the door without looking, the squirrel pictured above would have come right in the house.  He sat on the front doorstep for about a half an hour--as if he was actually waiting for someone to open the door for him.  I began to wonder if this was my reincarnated Beagle sitting there thinking "what the heck--did they seal up my doggy door?"

Keeping Secrets

A couple of weeks ago, my husband Doug came home from biking with a friend and told me "I've got a secret I'm not supposed to tell you so act surprised when they tell you."  I think he figured that since the secret was one that I would find out eventually (his wife is pregnant), it was kind of an exception to the secret-keeping rule.  I said I would act surprised when they told me, and even worked out an act in my head.

A couple weeks later I was on.  We were having lunch with Doug's biking buddy (DBB) and he asked me, "So, what do you think about three kids?"

I played dumb, "You mean three kids as a rule?  I think it's a bad idea."  I can get away with this, being someone that wants zero kids.

DBB looked perplexed.  "Doug, didn't you tell her?"

I kept up the act, "Tell me what?"

He said "Dude, I thought you said you had to tell her!"

"Tell me what?"  I said, "Now you have to tell me!"

DBB confessed they were having a third child.

I took off my sunglasses and stared him right in the eye, "Who's the daddy?"  I said, "Because I know you just got the snip-snip."

"Well yes, we found out right before the snip-snip.  Dude I can't believe you didn't tell her, you said you had to tell her!"

"Yeah,"  Doug said, "I did tell her."

He ratted me out!  He not only can't keep a secret, he can't keep the secret that he didn't keep the secret!  Men.

DBB did commend me on my performance, though, so that's worth something.