Retirement: A Full-Time Job

How You Know that You've Found Your Passion

I was in Hawaii last week, don’t ask, it rained almost the whole time.  It was still fun because we were there with fun friends.  We all made the best of it.  But part of me did wonder why I was spending so much money to be somewhere else when the weather was so much better back at home.   

It used to be that the only part of traveling that I didn’t like was that I missed my doggy back home.  I worried about her.  Oh and guilt, I had much of that too, worry and guilt.  Toward the end of those past trips, I got more and more anxious to get back home to make sure she was ok.  I was always so happy to see that everything was fine when I got home.  Although after greeting me joyfully, she would catch herself and move to ignoring me for several hours just to remind me how mad she was that we left her.  I did mention the guilt, right?  Those Beagles are clever.

I have to admit that trips have been much more enjoyable over the last several years since we haven’t had a furry friend back home to worry about.  Even though our days back home outnumber those on the road, this has been my biggest hurdle to adopting another dog. 

But on this trip, I had another yearning for home, even before it started raining.  I missed my piano.  Really, I had piano withdrawals.  So I downloaded “Music Theory for Dummies” onto my iPad so I could still do something that felt like learning the piano.  That made it worse.  I just wanted to practice everything I was learning about building chords.  To hear what some of the minor scales sounded like on the piano, I used Garage Band on my computer.   Since I’ve been home, I’ve been practicing about three or four hours a day.  It’s all I want to do.

So now I’m thinking that my passion for travel has been overtaken by my passion for piano.  And if I’m not as hot on travel anymore, if I just want to be home with my piano, then maybe it’s ok to get a dog too.  

I guess I'll have more time to reflect on which passions pull hardest when we spend a month in New York this summer.  But in the meantime, a reader sent me this picture of his best friend.  I know, who could resist that face, right?  So yes, it is making me seriously consider his advice to just "get the puppy!"  

Related Posts:

    What's on Your Bucket List?

    What Five Things Make You Most Happy (and Why Aren't You Doing Them?)

    Enjoying Retirement with Doggies

 

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(Photo credit:  Thanks to Kirk B. for the temptation!)

 

Where Do You Want to Retire?

I love living vicariously through Kathleen Peddicord’s retire abroad posts at U.S. News.  I’m sure I’m not the only one that thinks it would be fun to ditch suburbia and retire overseas, spending the rest of your days exploring the world. 

I used to have a fantasy about selling our house after we retired, and using the proceeds to finance year-long rentals in various locations, both in the U.S. and abroad.  Or mix those up with some six-month stints, spending the winters on sunny tropical beaches and the summers in some vibrant, fast-paced cities.  My favorite travel is the living-there kind, getting to know a place at a very slow pace.  I prefer that to the frantic pace of trips squeezed into the two-week allotments of my past. 

Besides the complications and logistics of such a jet-setting lifestyle, my biggest barrier to this dream was that my husband Doug did not share it.  At least I thought he was the big obstacle.

But this weekend we hosted our annual rib night, a gathering of 12 of our pig-loving friends, well 11 pig lovers, and one who prefers chicken. This year's party included a special treat when one of our guests surprised his wife of 20 years with a diamond anniversary ring.  He tied it to the stem of her wine glass with a purple velvet ribbon.  Even when there are no diamonds involved, it’s one of those traditions we look forward to each year.  And it always ends in karaoke singing until the sober people, also known as the designated drivers, can’t stand it any longer.

Last week we took one of our favorite couples down to watch a Sharks game.  And a few evenings before that, we dined at my parents’ house and played a few rounds of poker.  This weekend Doug’s family is driving up from LA to visit for a few days.

The point is, Doug isn’t really standing in the way of me and the retirement of my dreams.  This is the retirement of my dreams—getting together with friends and family as much as possible.   Going on my weekly walk and my weekly lunch date with two of my best girlfriends.  These are the parts of retirement I enjoy the most.  If we retired somewhere far away, or a series of far away places, I’d miss all this.  Sure, we’d meet new people.  But I’ve spent a lifetime forming bonds with the people I already know.  I don’t want to give that up.

There’s nothing like being with friends who have known you for decades, especially over pork products.  And sure, your family would come visit you in London, or Paris, or New York, but it wouldn’t be the same as driving a half an hour away for dinner or hopping on a quick flight to LA for a couple nights.  I’m not sure if retirement would be worth it to me if there were a big hole in the space where my friends and family now fit in.

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Where to Live in Retirement

In Praise of the Staycation

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How I Spent My Christmas Vacation

(Posted in Traveling Tuesdays)

Clearly I wasn’t blogging, huh?  That’s because I was too busy having way too much fun.  We spent a couple of nights in San Francisco for my birthday and got upgraded to a fabulous suite.  We used a gift certificate from a couple of birthdays ago to dine at my favorite Italian restaurant, walking distance from our hotel.  We woke up to a view of the sunrise over he Bay Bridge.

Doug’s and my parents came for Christmas and we played Texas Hold ‘Em after dinner.  I did not win.

I saw my first 3D movie, The Life of Pi, and I finished reading The God of Small Things.  As soon as I read the last page I started it all over again.  I was eager to see what happened in the story the first time through, but I wanted to go back and luxuriate over the beautiful writing the second time.  I’m retired.  I have time for that. 

I spent hours at my neighbor’s house enjoying the company of their kitty, Coco, while they were out of town.  I even worked in a few yoga classes.  Have I mentioned that when I’m driving home from yoga, I’m so relaxed I kind of feel like I’m driving drunk?  That’s exactly why I got lost driving home a few weeks ago and then caused a fender-bender on my way home from class a week later.  In my state of relaxedness I made a lane change into the car next to me.  Ok, so that part of my Christmas vacation wasn’t so good.

I returned to San Francisco for a friend’s sweet-sixteen gala including Texas Hold ‘Em after dinner.  I did win.  We rang in the New Year with another of my favorite families and their crazy dog who is afraid to walk on my hardwood floors.  More poker, more losing.  Good thing we don’t use real money.

And my most recent ex-employer invited us to join them for the office Christmas party.  This was not your standard holiday party.  A Hummer limo picked the 11 of us up in the afternoon to drive us to cocktails at the Cliff House in San Francisco, where we drank martinis, ate truffle fries, and watched the sun set over the Pacific.  The limo then deposited us downtown for a gourmet Chinese dinner in a private room paired with too many lovely wines.  We were then chauffeured to Japantown for some late-night Karaoke.  The last stop for a nightcap at a Castro piano bar is the one that did me in.  The next day, my actual birthday, was a very low energy day.  I felt all of my 49 years and then some.

So during this, my 50^th year, I’m looking forward to learning to play jazz piano, making a greater contribution to my volunteer gig, and maybe even cutting down on my addiction to cable news shows, we’ll see how that one goes.  And of course the age-old resolution to get really fit.  This year it's so that I’ll look good in a bathing suit when I celebrate my 50^th birthday on a beach somewhere in Mexico.

Happy New Year everyone, hope your 2013 is the best yet.

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            Don’t Blame the Fat Lady

            Retirement Resolutions

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Living Out Loud

Every so often I feel the need to write a blog post just to tell you that I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth.  This is one of those times.

It would seem like, with no more work obligations, I would have plenty of time to blog.  But blogging requires thinking and I haven’t even had a moment to think these last few weeks.  Which is nice really.  Thinking is overrated.

Instead of thinking, I’ve been relishing.  First, we went up to Seattle to visit some friends.  What a fabulous town.  I’d be tempted to move there myself if I didn’t already know that we enjoyed what was the end of an unusually long stretch of sunshine for that part of the country.  I relished the sparkling blue water vistas, the fall-painted hills sprinkled with stately homes leading down to the water’s edge, and all that energy of their hip-downtown scene.  Definitely put Seattle on your list.

I relished time with family at a jazz concert, with Doug at a (winning) Giant’s game, and in my own backyard with my fun-loving neighbors over home-cooked pizza. 

And last weekend, I relished time in Yosemite with those kinds of friends that blur the lines between what is friendship and what is family.  Oh, and Yosemite, how can I have lived less than four hours away from you and never have been to visit you until now?  Put Yosemite on your list too.

Did I enjoy these events more because I’m back to full-time retirement?  I think so.  My mind was so uncluttered with thoughts of work that I kept hearing myself say, “This is so great!”  Yes, out loud.

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            Retirement:  Where Are Those Extra Hours?

            So What Exactly Have I Gained by Retiring?

            What’s the Difference Between Vacation and Retirement?

 

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Transporting Retirement

Wow, where did August go, this first month of my re-retirement?  It was packed with the sounds of blues bobbing along the Hudson River, jazz wafting in Washington Square, and classical music echoing Central Park’s Bethesda Arcade.  It was filled with the aromas of the gyro cart in Greenwich Village after a late night set, the pungent cheeses on Murray’s cave tour, and the occasional olfactory assault from the mounds of garbage bags lining the curbs. 

Starting each day right with a morning walk around Jackie O’s Reservoir.  Pedaling from Lady Liberty’s view up to the Little Red Lighthouse tucked under George Washington’s Bridge.  Exploring New York’s boroughs--the Bronx’s Pelham Bay Park and City Island, Brooklyn’s Cobble Hill and Heights Promenade; no time for ferrying to Staten Island this trip.

We did so much and missed even more.

So now I’ve got this retirement thing down . . . in New York City!  The trick is to transport it back home.  I will admit though, I’m looking forward to slowing down the pace a bit, getting some dirt from my garden under my fingernails, and eating a few more home-cooked meals.  Catching up with friends and also with sleep.  But I will certainly miss this city of energy that zaps me of mine.  

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Picturing Retirement: The City That Never Sleeps

(Posted in Photo Fridays)

No disrespect to Frank Sinatra, but I think New York City should be described as the city that always makes you feel like you are missing something.  No matter what you are doing, there is always something else going on that you are missing.  Whatever path you choose to meander through the streets, you're missing what's happening on the street around the corner.  Each time you choose where to eat, you are foregoing the pleasures behind other doors.  It seems you could spend a lifetime here and still miss something.

What a lovely problem to have.

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A Prius as a Metaphor for Retirement

 

Posted in Travelling Tuesdays

Part of my strategy to make my money last for the rest of my life is to drive my cars until they have absolutely no life left in them.  Well, almost no life.   I prefer them to have at least enough life to get themselves to the dealership for whatever measly trade-in value they might garner.

And so it is that we have driven the last luxury sedan we will ever own while it still had enough get-up-and-go to get up and get us to the Toyota dealership.  Our old Audi had carried us for more than 12 years and 183,000 miles, never stranding us once.  But the last half of its life had us spending more and more money each year just to keep it alive.  The current list of things that needed fixing would have cost more than the value of the car, so we decided it’s time.

Now we drive a Prius wagon.  I’ve been waiting for them to come out with a wagon, it's slightly less goofy looking than the regular Prius.  Adjusting from a turbo-charged luxury sedan to a Prius is a lot like adjusting from a fast-paced career to retirement.   You have to find your new place on the road. 

In the Audi, when I got on the freeway, I stepped on the gas and easily merged into traffic.  The Prius is not in so much of a hurry.  When I step on the gas, I may have to let a car or two go by before I take my place in the lane.  I’m learning where I fit in now in the hierarchy of the road.  Just like with retirement, I don’t often find myself in the fast lane anymore. 

I still get where I want to go, and at more than double the gas mileage of our old car I get there a lot more cheaply.  Ok, so I don’t go so fast anymore, but I am certainly enjoying the ride.

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Home Exchange for Beginners

 

Posted in Traveling Tuesdays

As I mentioned last week we invited ourselves to Hawaii with a couple of friends this week.  This is not our first tag-along vacation.  I’ll be the first to admit, we are extremely lucky to have some very generous friends.  But for those of you that draw the line at imposing on your friends, there is another way to score some free lodging:  home exchange.

After all, your house is just going to sit empty while you are on vacation, why not go to another person’s empty house while they enjoy yours?  If you are exploring this option, here’s my short list of tips for the first-time home exchanger.

1.  There are many reputable sites on-line to find home exchanges.  The one I like the most is homeexchange.com because they have the largest number of listings and you have to pay to join.  Actually, you only have to pay if you want to create a page to market your own home.  You can email anyone with a listing you like when you browse for the site for free, but I’ll just tell you I never respond to those inquiries.   For one thing, I find some comfort in knowing that the site has your credit card and knows your identity.  If you just email me and don’t even have a listing for me to peruse, I not only don’t think you are serious, I don’t even know if you are real.

2.  When you do find a homeowner that you’d like to approach for a trade, write a personal note explaining why you found their home attractive, share your plans for your trip, and tell a little bit about yourself.  This is a chance to highlight a few great things about your house and things to enjoy in your area as well.  If you do wind up trading homes with this family, you are going to spend months building a relationship.  You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.

3.  When you are browsing listings on the website, keep in mind that the actual home will never look better than the photos your exchanger has posted on their exchange page.   If you have any reservations after viewing the photos, you probably won’t be comfortable there.

4.   I recommend practicing with a local trade, just to get your feet wet.  Go away for the weekend somewhere that’s not too far away.  If it’s not exactly what you bargained for, at least it’s only two days and you will come away with a better idea of what you are looking for next time.

5.  During the course of building your home-exchange relationship, you should work out how you expect to leave each other’s homes.  Just strip the beds or remake them too?  Where does the trash go?  No matter what they say about how to leave their house, just remember, no one will ever fault you if you leave it tidier than they expected.

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Related Posts:

            Intro to the Home Exchange Vacation

            How to Stretch a Travel Dollar in Retirement

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The Accidental Tourist

Posted in Traveling Tuesdays

Well, it’s official.  We have no shame.  I blame the wine. 

Last weekend we went to a wedding.  It was a wonderful, intimate gathering of only about 30 guests.  My friends got married on their 11^th anniversary of being together on 11/11/11.  The whole event captured the couple’s personality, a short, heart-felt ceremony, handmade rings, and a gourmet dinner in a totally rustic setting, all while overlooking a stunning stretch of untouched Northern California coastline.  

We enjoyed the romance of the evening while enjoying the company of two other couples that we really love.  During the course of the evening, we invited ourselves to Hawaii with one of them, the week after next.  (Just to be clear--not the bride and groom.  Even I draw the line at crashing honeymoons.)

It started innocently enough, the casual proclamation, “You should come with us!” after describing the boondoggle that would be their accommodations for the week.  One of his clients gave them his two-bedroom penthouse overlooking a beach in Maui.  (Yes!  Pictured above--can you blame me?)

            “Don’t tempt me, ‘cause Doug and I will crash your vacation.  Believe me, we’ve done it before!”

            “No, it would be so much fun, we could play tennis, hike, and drink martinis on the Lanai!” 

We spent the whole evening talking about how great it would be, and whether the martinis would have gin or vodka.

But even with all the wine, at the end of the evening I offered, “When you wake up tomorrow, totally sober, if you think the better of this we will TOTALLY understand.  Don’t give it another thought.”

But alas, the next morning we got the sober confirmation.  We’ll join them for the first few days of their trip.  On a flight that arrives at the same time, for free with frequent flyer miles, on days that we are free—all the stars were in alignment. 

I hope they’ll have as much fun with us as we know we will have with them!

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Building a Relationship with Your Home Exchange Partners

Posted in Traveling Tuesdays.

A couple of weeks ago, we had a really great time at dinner with some old friends in their beautiful home in the Seacliff neighborhood in San Francisco.  Actually, it wasn’t dinner, it was drinks, and I guess they are more of new acquaintances than old friends, and really, it wasn’t even their house.  But we did have a great time.

The old friends to whom I refer are really more like Internet friends.  We met them through home-exchange last year.  I contacted them a few years ago to see if they wanted to swap their lovely Upper East Side home in New York City with us for a month.  They declined since they already had plans that year, but said they love month-long trades and maybe next year.

A few months later they contacted us.  Their son was getting married in the Napa Valley wine country, and they wanted to come out for three weeks for the festivities.  We talked on the phone about our plans.  A few weeks later, their son and his bride-to-be, who live in San Francisco, came over for a glass of wine.  Turns out they were budding home-exchangers too.  They live in the trendy Marina district—where we’ve now spent two weekends on home-exchanges.

A few months ago, I got another hankering for NYC so I lobbed an email to my new old friends in New York.  I said I knew it was a long way off, but to keep us in mind if they were up for an exchange in summer of 2012.  I got an immediate response, their son and daughter-in-law were expecting a baby in a couple months, so they would love to set plans for a visit next year.  In the meantime, they came out this year to admire the new addition to their family, whom we also met over not-really-dinner at not-really-their-house. 

Related Posts:

            Intro to the Home Exchange Vacation

            On-Line Dating in Retirement

            This is New York

 

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