Mozart, Retirement, and Having My Whole Life Out in Front of Me

My friend Vicki and I have been going to the symphony together for over 20 years now.  Last night's program was my favorite in a long, long time; all Mozart.  Jonathan Biss, a 20-something year old prodigy played Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 22 in E-flat major, K 482 with such emotional intensity I could not get over how young he is.  The whole program brought me back to all those years ago, when Vicki and I first started attending the concerts together.  We were studying for our Master's in Tax at Golden Gate University (which she went on to complete, I did not).  We were young and just starting out our professional careers.  I remembered what it felt like back then to sit there, listening, just basking in the excitement of living my future and having my whole life out in front of me.

I have not felt that way for a very long time, but did again during that piece last night.  My mind wandered back to when I was 17 years old.  I was nearing graduation from high school.  I used to go shopping at a mall that I had always thought was so very sophisticated.  There was a cafe there that I always wanted to eat in, it was really only a cafeteria-style restaurant, but to me it represented a taste of what I wanted my future life to be about.  They had beautiful prepared foods behind a case and they played classical music, and it always seemed very elegant women were eating there.  I pictured myself there drinking a cappuccino and listening to Vivaldi's Four Seasons, perhaps reading a book.  I was, in general, so excited about soon going off to college and figuring out what my life would be.  I had my whole life out in front of me!

Last night, my mind drifted to another time when I felt such an overwhelming thrill at the possibilities my life had in store for me.  I was getting ready to graduate college, and had my job in hand at a Big Eight accounting firm in San Francisco.  This time it wasn't Vivaldi or Mozart that filled me with such emotion, but an MJB coffee commercial, ("MJB tastes good when it should").  They had a commercial showing a single, young woman waking up in her big city apartment, rising from bed, relishing her cup of coffee before going off to her professional-career-woman job.  "That's me," I thought, "I am her!"  It reminded me of Marlo Thomas in "That Girl," and Mary Tyler Moore, "you're going to make it after all."  (Yes, the times have changed, at that time those were my only media role models for single, professional women out on their own.)  Every time I saw that MJB commercial, my eyes welled up; I was so happy about my future and what life had in store for me.

Somewhere over the last 22 years since graduating college, I just got to the business of living my happy life, taking it all for granted, never really thinking about it anymore.  It just operates on autopilot.  But now, I feel exactly as I did when I graduated from high school, and then again when I graduated from college.   Where might I take my life now?  During last night's intermission when I was discussing my future with Vicki, I said "March 1st, the first day after I graduate, I mean retire," and then laughed as Vicki pointed out it IS kind of like graduating.

The familiarity of that feeling, brought back to me by a Mozart piano concerto, filled me with wonderment; I have got my whole life out in front of me again.

Comments

[Wicked in San Jose]

Oh Sydney

Your writing is so much fun. I can't read it fast enough...I want the next word.

Now I know why you haven't been writing so much email to me.

OK...So your whole new life is ahead of you. But this time you have even more very steady friends and family to take with you on your journey (I hope!!!).

I gotta admit that all your talk about retirement is making me wanta stay home too. Today, Monday, I was really thinking that I couldn't go to work. My car is broken and my foot hurts. Your dad got me out of here, but I couldn't shake it...I had to leave work early. Is it Monday or is it Retirement Envy?!?!?!

Heeeee

4 more days!!!!

Sara

[Cheryl]

Syd, I loved reading this, you really are on the threshold of a whole new chapter and I love the way you wove this story. I'm right there with, except I have a few more months to go. 10 years ago I changed careers to go into IT and while I still like parts of it, I'm not as excited about it as I was in the beginning. The best part is that no matter where we go we get to take everything we've learned with us. Some of it might actually come in handy, or not!

[Retired Syd]

You know, I think anything after 10 (or especially 17) years gets old, even if you really loved it in the beginning. It's important to keep things evolving. And I agree, it was all valuable stuff we picked up along the way, and we do get to take it all with us for the next phase.

I'll be watching your journey as I know how hard it is when you are ready and you have to wait MONTHS!

[Leila]

This brought tears to my eyes. I wonder... could I get this feeling again??? Not because I'm retiring from work (THAT would be grand!), but I AM retiring from the day to day motherhood gig (you can never really retire from motherhood of course). I WANT to be on the threshold of some new and wonderful thing. I really do. Maybe I am!

Thanks, Syd. xxoo