Retirement: A Full-Time Job

Retirement Self-Esteem

I have to admit that besides wanting control over my own time, another reason I was so interested in retiring was to have control over my own self-esteem. When I was working, a hefty amount of my self-worth was impacted by what others thought about me (mainly my bosses, but also my co-workers.) A glowing performance review or nice, big raise would have me feeling just great about myself. Feeling valued made me feel valuable. A critical comment or, worse yet, periods of no feedback at all would have me assuming the worst. While I was working, I let an inordinate amount of my self-image be influenced by what others thought about me.

Ironically, this praise or criticism didn't necessarily bear any relationship to my actual performance. But since my role was in large part a function of what my superiors thought of me, it was more important to me what they thought about me than what I thought about myself. Since work represented such a large portion of my life, a large portion of my self-worth was driven by how I thought I was viewed at work.

When I say I'm discovering who I am without work, what I'm really discovering is what I value about myself. It's all up to me. It's kind of hard to break away from the praise-equals-I'm-a-good-person mentality. That may be one of the reasons retirement is so scary for some people. Some people thrive on what that work feedback does to their egos; it can be tough to give that up.

The truth is, it's much harder to figure out what you value in yourself when you are not viewing your value through other people's opinions of you. But how great to get to spend the rest of my life feeling good (or bad) about myself based totally on what I value: friendships, family, health, and creativity.

Related Posts:

Yes, There is a Difference Between Men and Women

The Truth About Retirement

Drama Queen

Stress in Retirement?

Yes, there is stress in retirement.  It's so silly because this should not be the source of tension, but I'm feeling like there are just not enough hours in a day and it's stressing me out.

When you are working, you pretty much accept the limitations of time.  You don't like it, but you accept that during the work week, you don't have a lot of time for yourself.  You come home from a hard day's work and make dinner, eat, clean up, and maybe have enough energy left to sit on your couch to watch some TV.  You have to get to bed early so you can wake up early, squeeze a workout in, and get to the office on time.  You save your hobbies for the weekend and try and squeeze them in around errands.

Now, I stay up late and don't wake up until 8.  I'm loving getting an extra hour of sleep each night.  I wake up each morning and I think of all the things I want to do that day.  I know I can't do ALL of the things I want to do and I find it frustrating.  I'm retired; I should be able to do whatever I want!  The problem is I want too much!

A friend of mine is buying a vacation/rental house in Hawaii and we get to go with them and help warm the house.  I bought some fabric to make a skirt for the trip.  I have homework for my writing class, extended taxes to finish, stacks of unread magazines and library books, housecleaning and gardening projects, and creative endeavors like making a photo album for my in-law's 50th wedding anniversary.  It doesn't seem like I'll get that skirt made before I leave for Hawaii.

There are so many things, I sometimes feel paralyzed by the choice of what I should do first, since I know they can't ALL be done immediately.  Maybe stressful isn't the right word, frustrating is more like it.

Don't fool yourself that retirement will be leisurely.  There's still too much to do and too little time to do it all.  Thanks to the recently retired Patricia for her post today reminding me that I should be relishing these choices, not viewing them as a source of stress!

Money and Graduation Season

Last week a friend's daughter graduated from high school.  We celebrated with the family following the ceremony, and caught up with some old friends we haven't seen in long time.

On the way out, I said to the graduate's father, "be sure to bring those presents inside--there are some very valuable envelopes there."  He said of course he would, but added that his daughter doesn't really seem to know the value of money, "How do you teach them the value of a dollar; I have no idea?"  He went on to tell us how, when she needs money, they give her money; twenty-dollar bills seem to fly out the door with her daily.  He knew this approach was not instilling a great sense of fiscal responsibility in his daughter.

On the drive home, I remembered the rather complex financial system my mom set up in our household while I was growing up.  We didn't have a whole lot of money, but my mom was good with it.  I either inherited that gene from her, or the system she worked out set me up for a financially savvy future.

On the 1st and the 15th of each month, when my dad got paid, I got an allowance of $15.  Mine was one of the larger allowances among my friends, but from that allowance, I was expected to purchase everything I would need (including clothes--which most of my friends received on top of their allowances).  If I spent my money on candy, records, movies, or fast food, I was on my own.  If I spent money on clothes though, my mom would match me dollar for dollar up to $15 per month.

It was kind of a clothes 401(k) matching program.  I usually spent my money on clothes.  I do remember, though, having enough saved to buy an $80 stereo at Thrifty's Drugstore at one point.  I think I was a pretty good saver.

When I was 15, I got a job at H. Salt Fish and Chips.  Everyone I knew had a job at some fast-food joint.  Even at $2.65 an hour, the money added up a whole lot quicker than an allowance (which I no longer received, since I had a job).  I really saved a lot during that time.  I liked having the money so much, I hardly ever spent it on anything (except, of course, clothes).

I don't have kids, so don't really know whether the allowance system still exists.  I do know that none of my friends' kids work during the school year (maybe a couple have summer jobs).  I think nowadays parents want their kids focusing on school work rather than fast food work.  This may serve them better in the long run, college-wise and career-wise, but probably at the expense of learning a little financial savvy.

Not to mention never getting to have the experience of coming home smelling like greasy fish!

Retirement Fitness Challenge

It seems like all the personal finance bloggers are talking about fitness and health these days.  Must be the bathing-suit weather around the corner.

Maybe the nature of finance bloggers (spend less money than you earn) is consistent with the mindset of getting fit (consuming less calories than you burn).  Millionaire Mommy addresses this symmetry in her post about using weight management techniques with your finances.  (By the way, she is in the weigh yourself daily camp--suddenly I don't feel so lonely there!)

Lisa at Greener Pastures talks about the Four Things You Need For Retirement; and yes, one of them includes exercise.

Over at Dooce, Heather is doing a 21-day cleanse:  no sugar, gluten, caffeine, alcohol, or animal products.

And today, Jacob at Early Retirement Extreme talks about how he keeps his health care costs down by leading a preventative lifestyle.  (Although, I'm not sure I could manage to eat only once a day!)

J.D. at Get Rich Slowly (on his Get Fit Slowly Blog) is taking the 100 pushups challenge.  I'm inspired; I'm going to do it too.  Right now I can do about 2-3 sets of 15-20 pushups (yes on my toes!)  It seems impossible to be able to do 100 consecutive pushups by the end of 6 weeks.  But I'm intrigued, so will join in trying with J.D.

In addition to the 100 pushups challenge, I want to see if I can develop a love for running like J.D.  I love the idea of running (you can do it anywhere, any time, and it's totally free), but so far, it feels very hard.  Today I jogged 3.5 miles and walked the remaining 1.5 mile loop from my house.  The path is a beautiful road winding through vineyards of the Napa Valley.  When I walk it, I don't bring an iPod; I'm perfectly happy to listen to the birds and enjoy the environment.  When I jog it, I have to bring music to distract me from how much I do not enjoy this activity.

Lise at Frugal in the Fruitlands has made her exercise goals public.  Seems like a good idea.  I'm going to give running the same 6 weeks as the 100 pushups challenge and see if I can't learn to love running as much as I love the idea of it.

Related Posts:

Retirement and Skinny Jeans

Exercise Like a Kid

Retirement Calories

Discovering Who I Am Without Work

Lise at Frugal in the Fruitlands tagged me with a meme.  This one was hard:  a six-word memoir.  I really liked hers:  "I've come through the storm and."  I like it because it's incomplete, you know where she's been (the storm), but know there's more to come; the unknown future.  It strikes me as optimistic.

I have spent years working up to my retirement, fantasizing about what it would be like, what I would spend my time doing, and who I would get to be.  I had all sorts of ideas of exactly what I would be spending my time doing.  I read retirement books and followed the exercises to visualize and plan my retired life.

But what I've learned is, you don't really know what you will be doing in retirement until you start living it.  At first, I felt like I wasn't doing it "right" because I wasn't getting to all the things on my list (the list which resulted from the homework in the retirement books.)  I felt a bit like a failure because I wasn't achieving all the goals I set out for myself.  (Never mind that it's only been 3 months.  Yes, I've still got decades in front of me.)

Where is my life right now?  Six words:  Discovering who I am without work.

I know now that it's nearly impossible to know who you are (or who you think you will be in your retirement) while you are working.  There are too many distractions; too many priorities, most of which are not your own.  The idea that I could plan my future retired life, from the perspective of a working person now seems so naive to me.  How could I know who I would be without work until I stopped working?  I am still discovering who that is, Sydney without a job.  And it turns out, that is the fun part of retirement, the journey discovering what else lies beneath!

Tag, you're it: But What Now? (payback time!)

Communication Exchange (you too!)

Canadian Dream:  Free at 45

Life/Work

Retirement: Too Much Fun, Too Little Time to Blog

Poor neglected blog; I just got back from a road trip visiting another retired friend and am now behind on blog posts and two meme tags.  Even in this full-time job that is the unfettered pursuit of happiness, there are still not enough hours in the day!

When I was a kid, my absolute favorite show was the Carol Burnett Show.  Ive been thinking about that lately since hearing that Harvey Korman died.  I remember vividly how much I actually wanted to BE Carol Burnett.

In the sixth grade, our teacher had each of us write an autobiography, which I unearthed this week.  I had so much fun reading this and, in light of my recent post about wanting to grow up to be an actress, will share some excerpts from that great literary work. 

From Chapter V--My Opinions, Wishes and Dreams:

"I wish that Tim Conway and Carol Burnett lived next door to me and we were good friends.  I wish people would not tell secrets in front of me. . ."

"When I grow up, I am going to become an actress, comedian, and singer (like Carol Burnett).  I want to have my own variethy show and if I don't, I want a show like Mary Tyler Moore.  I am going to get married to a person who won't mind me working and we won't have kids until I don't have an every week show.  When I don't have a steady job, I am going to write books."

"If I don't become an actress and all that (which I doubt very much), then I want to become a publisher for two reasons:  1)  the first reason is I like to read, 2) the second reason is because I like to discover new talent."

From Chapter IV--My Hobbies:

"I also love acting.  I have been in many plays."

"My last hobby is writing.  I like to write poems and stories when I have nothing to do."

And there you have it, I still like to write when I have nothing to do.  It's just that I've had a lot to do this week, and so haven't been writing (or playing meme tag.)  Thirty-two years later and I'm not much different from that sixth-grade girl.

  

Enough is Enough

In the years leading up to my decision to retire, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out exactly how much money is enough to retire on.  "More" is always better, but all I really needed was "enough."  

As our nest egg grew, I frequently asked myself, "with this amount of money, what would I be required to give up in order to retire, and could I live with that?"  When the answer was finally, "Yes, I could live with that," that's when I decided we had enough.

Working more years and having more saved would not have changed that equation.  As we earn more, we spend more, which would just mean more possible things to have to give up in retirement.

Clearly, though, there is such a thing as too much money.

Last night I saw Tom Perkins interviewed on 60 Minutes.  Now there's a guy with too much money.  He built an 88 meter yacht; Leslie Stahl asked him how much it cost to build.  She speculated that it was between $150 million and $300 million.  He was too embarrassed to say exactly, but indicated that it wasn't quite as high as $300 million.  I guess he thought we viewers would think it gross if he told us the actual amount.  Guess what, I think it's gross anyway.

Yesterday in the New York Times, I saw this article about the rich being less rich now, and how they are worried about how this will affect their marriages.  One guy whose net worth has dropped from $20 million to $8 million is worried that his wife will leave him if she finds out.  He's hiding the reality from her by paying for stuff with debt.

Apparently, this fall from fortune could also jeopardize their friendships, and their kids might not get invited to the right birthday parties.  They don't mind raising funds by selling their $2 million diamonds, because their friends probably won't notice.  But they would not risk selling the Bentley or the artwork because their friends would notice that.

I would never have been in danger of having to give up a yacht to retire, nor do I have the type of spouse or friends that would ditch me as my net worth drops.  I wonder though, is there some amount of money that makes people lose all sense of what is important in life?  I'll never know; all I need is enough.

Related Posts:

Retirement Into a Down Market

Nostalgia About Being Poor

And With This I Would Marry Him All Over Again