Reflections on My First Year of Retirement (Part 2: Loss of Identity)

As Steve at brip blap recently pointed out, whether fairly or unfairly, we tend to make judgments about people based on what it is they do for a living.  What we "do" is among the first questions asked between people meeting for the first time.  And for many entering retirement, the loss of that identity is often the hardest change to get used to. 

I was actually very happy to shed my accountant identity, so it wasn't the loss of that identity that gave me trouble as I adjusted to retired life.  For me, it was the new label "retired," that felt so wrong.  That one seemed to put me in a box that reflected who I am even more poorly than "accountant."  I don't golf, I'm not (very) old, I can't collect Social Security yet, and I don't live in an adults-only community.

The natural follow-up question to, "I'm retired," is "so, what DO you do?"  It is this question that gave me the most trouble during the first year of retirement.

Just like when you had a job, what you "do" in retirement is your new identity to the outside world.  And since you actually get to pick what it is you do all day, it would seem that the answer should convey even more accurately who you truly are.  So when I answer, "I blog, read, bike, garden, and knit," I am keenly aware that this is supposed to say something about who I AM.  And it just doesn't seem good enough.

From the post at brip blap:

"For many people, what they "do" - their job - is not enough.  We want to be defined by what we hope to achieve in this life.  Determining what - if anything - we can achieve is the first step to understanding whether our job is a part of that achievement, or merely a sideshow."

And it's the same with the full-time job of retirement.  It wasn't until having been retired for almost a year that I realized that I needed to stop focusing on the answer to that question, and start moving toward who I want to BE in retirement.  No longer constrained by who my employer wants me to be, I get to be exactly who I want.

The reality is, there's no great sound-bite answer to the identity question whether you are working or retired.  But we can't control how others view us.  What I learned this year is to just live the life you are happiest living, smell the roses along the way, and perhaps pick one to give to that next person that you meet.

Related Posts:

Retirement Self-Esteem

Discovering Who I Am Without Work

Reflections on My First Year of Retirement (Part I:  Money)

Comments

[dogatemyfinances]

So, how do you answer the question then?

[Retired Syd]

It's funny, now that you ask, I can't even remember the last time anyone has even asked me. I guess I haven't met many new people in the last six months. Not sure what that says about me these days!

Or maybe it's just that I don't care how I answer anymore. I think the last time someone asked I may have said "this and that," and we moved on to something else.

[steve @ brip blap]

You're absolutely right about finding out who you need to "be" rather than what you "do" - and really it applies to people whether they are retired or not.