Yesterday I got an email from my parents who are vacationing in South Beach, Florida. They are having a great time staying in a friend's beautiful new condo for a couple weeks. This alone is shocking, because they are not the type to like to stay in one place on vacation. The even more surprising revelation was that they actually enjoyed sleeping in on their first day, lounging around the condo, and eventually getting dressed and out by noon.
Two years ago, Doug and I spent a month in Manhattan. Every night we were out late and every morning we slept in late. We lounged around the apartment each day, reading the paper, writing blog posts, eating breakfast, and maybe hitting the gym before showering and getting out of there by noon or so.
We ate lunch at the local sandwich place before setting out on our adventure for the day. Yes, adventure, not adventures. We would pick ONE thing to do each day, a museum, a walk along the river or in Central Park, a concert or a play, or a stroll across the Brooklyn Bridge. One thing. We would come home for a nap and a shower before going out for dinner and maybe some jazz or comedy.
It was a perfect lifestyle. I relished it, enjoyed every slow moment. I knew this meant that I would be very happy in retirement. That month of New York City living was a little preview, I thought, into my future retired life, and I couldn't wait to get started.
So what's different about that vacation and my real retirement? Guilt. Did I feel guilty for sleeping late back then? Did I feel badly about myself for not getting dressed before noon each day? Did I beat myself up every day for not accomplishing anything? No, no, and no!
Retirement is much like that vacation lifestyle, I sleep late, am slow to start my day, and have learned to have only one or two things on my agenda for the day. But I still feel, even after 14 months of retirement, that I'm goofing off in the morning and I really should get moving a little earlier. I have come to accept that this is how I operate, but guilt seems to be a permanent byproduct.
When you are on vacation, it feels decadent to live such a lifestyle. After all those long working hours you deserve it. But in retirement, there's nothing really you are escaping from, so instead of a decadent well-earned pleasure, it just kind of feels pathetic to still be in your pajamas at noon.
A couple times a week, my early-to-rise husband meets a friend at our house to go for a bike ride. I am careful to find out what time they will arrive so I can change in to real clothes, or at least work-out clothes, to show that I do have the intention of getting something done today.
This is probably what people worry about when they think they will be lazy in retirement. But shouldn't it just be like those weeks in Miami, or that month in New York? Shouldn't I just be relishing the fact that this is my life, and focusing on how exciting that is, you know, without the guilt part?
It must be some deeply ingrained values from working life/culture, which are still hanging around. Is the guilt mainly external (what will the others think) or internal (I'm a bad person, because ... )?
Posted by: Early Retirement Extreme | May 14, 2009 at 09:45 AM
Yes, I'm hoping it just takes time to shed those rather than them actually being permanently ingrained. For me, I'd say it's more the "what will others think" part. I'm a little too influenced by that hypothetical person's thoughts. (I say hypothetical, because it's obviously a huge assumption to think anyone else is really concerning themselves about what I do at anyway!)
Posted by: Retired Syd | May 14, 2009 at 09:56 AM
You know, I used to enjoy reading your blog. It was witty, insightful, entertaining.
Now, it's just plain boring.
You've become a very blah person.
If that's what it means to retire, you can have it!
Enjoy doing just one thing a day.
To me, it sounds like you're just wasting your life away and waiting for death. 65% of people retiree age 62 or older have to keep on working because of the recession. You are the most narcissistic person on the planet.
YAWN.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 14, 2009 at 04:22 PM
@Anonymous: Gosh, I thought you were long gone after you told me I was out of touch with reality and on the verge of depression, and here you still are! Just can't seem to tear yourself away, huh?
To quote my writing mentor: "I may not be much, but I'm all I think about."
Yes, I'm sure you'll have a field day with that little gem.
Posted by: Retired Syd | May 14, 2009 at 05:01 PM
Hooray for you, Syd. Do not think you should feel guilty about doing that which makes you happy. I imagine you will live to be 104 and enjoy every day. I love reading your blogs and always find them informative and amusing--keep them coming!! Judi
Posted by: Judi Smith | May 14, 2009 at 05:22 PM
Syd, I know exactly how you feel. I find that building in a schedule helps to get things going, I get to the library for opening at 9:00 AM two days a week. I think it is a matter of adapting to a new lifestyle after all the go-go years. Colleagues I have coffee or lunch with who retired a while ago said it took them up to 5 years to get into their new groove!
Posted by: Dennis | May 14, 2009 at 07:15 PM
Don't worry about the pajamas, I have a feeling a large percentage of those who work from home, might be in their pajamas till noon. At least I admit I am sometimes. Working again is a choice I made after discovering something I wanted to do vs. a head bashing job. But there are times I miss my 'only one thing to do' slower days so I make sure to revisit them when I can. Have fun, guilt free, you are working everyday at being you!
Posted by: Amy | May 14, 2009 at 07:16 PM
@Judi: Gosh, I better not live to 104--there's not enough in the budget for that!
@Dennis: I guess with 40+ years left each year probably won't look exactly like the year before it, that groove is probably constantly changing.
@Amy: This is unfair, because I know you, but I know you never had a just-one-thing day, EVER, it's not in your nature!
Posted by: Retired Syd | May 14, 2009 at 08:48 PM
Syd: Anonymous needs to get a life, maybe! I love reading your blogs and live vicariously through them. And I shall take this one to my grave: "I may not be much, but I'm all I think about..." how true, how true. After all, it IS all about ME. Love you! Leila
Posted by: Leila | May 15, 2009 at 09:33 AM
@Leila: Yes, while it IS all about ME as well--I also know comments are more about the commenter, not so much me . . . Thanks for the smile.
Syd
Posted by: Retired Syd | May 15, 2009 at 01:00 PM
Hello this is Allan want to thank you for sharing your thoughts regarding feelings and thoughts at the time of retirement and also mentioning the difference between vacation and retirement according to you, it is really very great!!
------------------
Allan
full time part time jobs
Posted by: Allan | May 16, 2009 at 01:27 AM
@Allan: Thank YOU for reading--I appreciate your comments!
Posted by: Retired Syd | May 16, 2009 at 09:13 AM
I make a comment that you're boring. Then you post away. 3rd one is asmuch many days. Nah. I don't affect you. Much.
Glad you're back.
Posted by: anonymous | May 17, 2009 at 11:18 AM
@Anon: (By the way, why don't you just use your name, I already know who you are?) To the contrary, you are a huge inspiration to my posts, both from your comments and your own blog.
I can't hit 'em all out of the ballpark, can I?
Glad you stuck around.
Posted by: Retired Syd | May 17, 2009 at 11:38 AM
Syd,
I don't want any clickbacks. That's why. Of course you know who I am. AND I am loving your new posts! Yea!
We write because we just love to write and express ourselves. It's a gift. You have it.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 18, 2009 at 04:29 PM
This is a great post! I think that retirement is like a vacation at first: relaxed fun...then people start to think of ways to keep busy and daily activities to engage in. I enjoyed this blog so much that I posted it on my blog: www.retireinnayarit.com where I explore retirement in Mexico, especially in the Riviera Nayarit region. I hope you'll check it out! Best, Rick
Posted by: RetireInNayarit | August 09, 2011 at 07:38 AM
Too funny ... I just wrote a blog comparing Retirement with Unemployment! Did a double-take on this post title! I see now how I should have written that post of mine! Enjoyed your thoughts and insights. I seem to have a multi-themed blog ... which I suppose a retirement-type blog must have ... or maybe I'm just unfocused and all-over-the-place. Anyhow, I'll be back.
Cheers, Richard.
Posted by: RIchard Westgate | August 29, 2011 at 08:15 AM
I can't help but think that most of the messages here smack of narcissism - pleasure yourself as much as you can without feeling guilty. With all the free time you have, isn't it wise and compassionate to get out there and help those you are not as fortunate - Human, animal and plant? With the nation and the world reeling in confusion and turmoil, are there not ways to cultivate happiness for all beings since you have so much leisurely time now? I am getting involved in animal rescue projects on a regular basis. Although it is only a drop in the bucket compared to all the healing that must be done on our planet, it is a start that brings much contentment and smiles.
Posted by: Michael | October 26, 2012 at 11:43 AM
Michael: Yes, volunteering is an excellent activity to incorporate into retirement! Good for you for helping animals. That would have been my first choice for volunteering, but I know I would wind up with another dog if I did, which we're not quite ready for. Gotta wait until my lust for travel dies down. I always hated leaving our doggy behind when we went on vacation--with more time to travel now, that would be an even bigger problem. How do you resist bring every cuddly creature home with you?
Posted by: Retired Syd | October 26, 2012 at 12:11 PM