It’s 3:30 Friday afternoon. I have a zit, my nails look like crap, and I haven’t worked out in a week. I haven’t experienced this trio of circumstances in over three years, not since before I retired. It used to be the normal state of affairs this time of year, the time of year accountants call busy season.
I’m sitting at my desk at my supposed-to-be-part-time consulting gig after having worked about 50 hours that week. I glance at my lipstick-smudged teacup and realize my lips must look like crap too. I switched the teakettle on about two hours ago but forgot to go fill my cup, my stomach is growling, and I have to pee--another thing I’ve been putting off for the last hour. I’m answering questions for auditors, revising spreadsheets, and pulling together tax data.
It’s busy season. Everything I thought I hated about my old job. The number one reason I retired. Oddly enough I’m feeling nothing but pure but joy.
Rewind to exactly six years ago, to the busy season that killed my joy. In the midst of that year’s tax season, my controller had to start her maternity leave early, the baby arrived six weeks before her due date. To say I was unprepared for that possibility would be an understatement. Busy season 2005: the absolute worst tax season of my career. I really did lose my joy that year. My two best friends noticed, my husband noticed, practically everyone noticed.
After the workload let up, my joy never returned. That busy season was malignant. I never was able to reverse the damage it did to my job satisfaction. The fondness I felt for that job for the previous 15 years had evaporated. I thought it would return. I waited. But over the next 2 years, the wound never healed. I had to get my joy back, it was infecting the rest of my life.
I have no idea when it actually happened over these last three years of my retirement, but somewhere along the line, I got my joy back. Having control of my time, engaging in activities that are meaningful to me, and spending time with the people I love without the stresses of work life, it all propelled me toward joy.
The pimple, and the scraggly nails, and the guilt from skipping out on my workouts notwithstanding, it took that little event: sitting at a desk at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon after a really busy work week, to show me the contrast from the same season six years earlier. I have my joy back.
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This is a post from Retirement: A Full-Time Job
50 hour workweek? Joy?
Glad you got your groove back. The only reason why you can feel so good about the long, brutal hours now is because if you don't like it, you can just stop doing it instantly. You technically, don't need the job per se.
Posted by: alicia | January 19, 2011 at 08:09 PM
@alicia: You got that right! Also, knowing that it was only one week instead of the old days where I did that for months on end.
Posted by: Retired Syd | January 19, 2011 at 08:19 PM
I've had jobs where I've put in 80 week hours in busy season and loved it (sort of) and some with only 50 and didn't love it. Work is weird that way. But at least after 25 years of work, I know what the difference is now between when I know it's right or not so it can be replicated. Must be a slow learner.
Posted by: Jacq @ Single Mom Rich Mom | January 19, 2011 at 08:56 PM
I retired January 1st this year. I experienced the joy killing when my job duties that I loved like all the creative stuff - writing, designing the newsletter, etc, changed to losing the creative decisions to people who were not all that creative but then office politics also kicked in and my joy was totally gone. Like you, most people noticed. I seemed to be an empty shell just going through the motions. I hung in there as long as I could. My finances said I should work another year (65 in Dec 2011) but my heart and mind said "Get the heck out of there while you still have a heart and mind and go DO something creative!" I followed my heart and I already feel the load lifted. When I attended my "retirement party" last week, I totally enjoyed myself because I was NOT in charge of anything! I fell into a job writing short articles for a local website and I know more creative opportunities are out there for me. I just had to let go of the so called security and take the plunge. I am working on a book and I will also do musical programs to encourage hurting people. Thanks, Syd, as you writings helped me make this freeing decision. Happy 2011! The future is NOW!
Posted by: JackieReeTired | January 19, 2011 at 08:59 PM
@Jacq: I don't think I ever loved working 80 per week, actually, I don't think I ever really worked that much!
@JackieReeTired: Thanks for your comment and congratulations on your recent retirement! Boy, I could sure identify with your statement that you seemed to be an empty shell just going through the motions. I remember that feeling. I hope this new gig helps you get your joy back!
Posted by: Retired Syd | January 19, 2011 at 10:31 PM
It makes sense that it was not specifically your job that was killing your joy since you are doing similar tasks now but enjoying yourself. Some work environments can be oppressive even if you stay busy and enjoy the people you work with. Glad to hear that you escaped and are now doing what you like even if it is 50 hours a week!
Posted by: LoveBeingRetired | January 20, 2011 at 08:29 AM
Oh yes, this is me too. I'm not retired yet, but it is looming larger and larger in my mind. My job can be great, and like Jacq looking back sometimes the 70 hour weeks seem the most fun and satisfying ones, and the 20 hour weeks kicking my heels can be quite depressing ... But what is not fun is week after week after week of 55 hours, being tired, getting ratty, not being engaged at work or home, not being as good a partner/daughter/sister/friend as I would like to be. Every time I have a work nightmare I feel I move permanently a bit further away from job satisfaction, and closer to taking the leap...
On a completely different topic, I am LOVING your blog so much I have gone back to the beginning and am reading it through (hence still being back in 2011!). Thank you for writing.
And now, because it is a Saturday and I am not yet retired, off to do some work :-(
Posted by: Courtyard Gardener | July 27, 2013 at 05:27 AM
Courtyard Gardener: Happy Saturday and thank you so much for your nice comment!
Posted by: Retired Syd | July 27, 2013 at 07:39 AM