I love living vicariously through Kathleen Peddicord’s retire abroad posts at U.S. News. I’m sure I’m not the only one that thinks it would be fun to ditch suburbia and retire overseas, spending the rest of your days exploring the world.
I used to have a fantasy about selling our house after we retired, and using the proceeds to finance year-long rentals in various locations, both in the U.S. and abroad. Or mix those up with some six-month stints, spending the winters on sunny tropical beaches and the summers in some vibrant, fast-paced cities. My favorite travel is the living-there kind, getting to know a place at a very slow pace. I prefer that to the frantic pace of trips squeezed into the two-week allotments of my past.
Besides the complications and logistics of such a jet-setting lifestyle, my biggest barrier to this dream was that my husband Doug did not share it. At least I thought he was the big obstacle.
But this weekend we hosted our annual rib night, a gathering of 12 of our pig-loving friends, well 11 pig lovers, and one who prefers chicken. This year's party included a special treat when one of our guests surprised his wife of 20 years with a diamond anniversary ring. He tied it to the stem of her wine glass with a purple velvet ribbon. Even when there are no diamonds involved, it’s one of those traditions we look forward to each year. And it always ends in karaoke singing until the sober people, also known as the designated drivers, can’t stand it any longer.
Last week we took one of our favorite couples down to watch a Sharks game. And a few evenings before that, we dined at my parents’ house and played a few rounds of poker. This weekend Doug’s family is driving up from LA to visit for a few days.
The point is, Doug isn’t really standing in the way of me and the retirement of my dreams. This is the retirement of my dreams—getting together with friends and family as much as possible. Going on my weekly walk and my weekly lunch date with two of my best girlfriends. These are the parts of retirement I enjoy the most. If we retired somewhere far away, or a series of far away places, I’d miss all this. Sure, we’d meet new people. But I’ve spent a lifetime forming bonds with the people I already know. I don’t want to give that up.
There’s nothing like being with friends who have known you for decades, especially over pork products. And sure, your family would come visit you in London, or Paris, or New York, but it wouldn’t be the same as driving a half an hour away for dinner or hopping on a quick flight to LA for a couple nights. I’m not sure if retirement would be worth it to me if there were a big hole in the space where my friends and family now fit in.
Related Posts:
Aging in Place and Watching Your Trees Grow
Ok now, stop going though so many steps to see if I've written a new post. Get posts delivered right to your email inbox for FREE. (Plus it makes me feel good.) Click here to Subscribe.
I am a combination of wanderlust and stay fixed at home. I enjoy entertaining, particularly at the holidays, here at home. I treasure my monthly book club, and go to considerable lengths to work our travel schedule around it's meetings. There are certain annual December holiday events we do with friends and family I couldn't imagine missing.
On the other hand, I crave new sights and experiences, so we travel some 6-7 months of the year. This satisfies me for now.
I so admire full time RV'ers, but I don't see myself giving up my home base at this time, and likely not in the future either.
Whether we stay where we are (S. California) or relocate at some point primarily depends on our daughters and who has the first grandchild! Maybe. Life here is awfully good as it stands.
Posted by: Tamara | March 22, 2013 at 06:48 AM
I so agree with you. I watch those shows and dream about exotic living. But then I think of what I have here in my own city, snow and all and realize I'd miss the family and friends too much. Mostly when we travel, it is just so nice to come back home to our own bed. But travel we will be doing when both of us are fully retired--bits at a time. Just because the world is such a wonderful place to leave unexplored. Enjoy your pork-fests!
Posted by: Sandy | March 22, 2013 at 07:50 AM
Without a doubt I could create a satisfying life almost anywhere, and I do enjoy living vicariously through Expat bloggers, but since the retirement life I have is pretty nice I am content to just explore.
We are not nearly as organized with our travel plans as Tamara, but we do try to plan the longer trips well in advance while leaving short-term road trips to happenstance. Having the time to research travel and lodging bargains and being able to be spontaneous is a great benefit to being retired.
Thanks for the link to Kathleen's posts. I enjoyed reading several of them.
Posted by: Suzanne | March 22, 2013 at 01:16 PM
Sydney, you are a gem.
I've been feeling defensive since I retired a year and a half ago, at the age of 43. Everyone keeps asking me why I don't go live somewhere exotic instead of staying in my mid-sized West Texas town. You've put everything I've felt into perfect perspective. I've worked so hard to become a part of this community after 18 years, and even feel like I can go to any function alone because I always run into people I know. It's hard to explain how much that means to me. Plus, staying in a town that is 'easy to live in'... No rush hour traffic, relatively little crime, friendly folks... Is so important to me. You can't put a price on comfort. Thank you for helping me articulate that!
Having said all that, I still do love to travel and see new things. Would love to hear your thoughts on the minimum length of time you can visit a place and get to know it at the slow place you mentioned.
Posted by: Angela | March 22, 2013 at 03:19 PM
Angela: While I admire those that retire in exotic places, I guess the reality is that we all have different weightings to the priorities in our lives. Makes the world go around, right? In any case, I think like the others mention above, a community you are connected to (and especially kids and grandkids) are perfectly good reasons to stay put. Nothing wrong with a home base you like from which to take off on explorations from time to time (with frequency and length depending on your own personalities.)
I like a good month somewhere, but Doug gets a little antsy to get home at about the 3-week mark, so that seems to be the sweet spot that can please both of us. (Plus the garden isn't in quite as bad of shape if we get back in 3 weeks--a month away makes it a little harder to face!)
Posted by: Retired Syd | March 22, 2013 at 03:39 PM
No offense, but it seems like you are trying to convince yourself of something that you truly feel inside yourself. I agree that friends and family proximity is great but isn't one of the points of retirement to be able to do something that you feel deep inside?
I have been reading many retirement blogs on the internet and have to sometimes wonder if some folks were so focused on 'retiring' that they really never talked to their spouse about how they see the rest of their life playing out and discuss with each other their desires (even if a bit outlandish or bold).
I live in an area where there are lots of well- off retirees (private golf club etc) but on closer observation have found that it is often one partner (husband) who is having his fun (golfing) while the spouse is often tagging along (albeit with a polite veneer which hides her sense of dissatisfaction.
I sincerely hope you are eventually able to do some extended travel/stay in those places that you currently admire vicariously. Life is too short and precious for rationalizations.
Posted by: mark | March 22, 2013 at 04:38 PM
Mark: I certainly didn't mean to denigrate travel, I still love to do that! But the fantasy about selling the house, ditching everything--well it turns out that isn't consistent with my priorities.
You can read as much as you want before you retire, talk as much as you can with your spouse, etc., but the truth is, sometimes it's hard to know what your priorities in retirement will really be until you get there. When you are working, your fantasies are sometimes colored by how much you want to escape your work. Then when you remove the work and see what's left--that what's left is really great, you might not be so eager to escape anymore.
And since one of my top priorities is a happy marriage, I'm happy to get my travel in smaller chunks and appreciate all the other great things about my life when I'm not traveling.
It doesn't sound to me from your comment like proximity to friends and family is that much of a priority to you--which means your retirement might look very different than mine. Nothing wrong with that!
Posted by: Retired Syd | March 22, 2013 at 05:56 PM
I agree, there are no friends like old friends, but ... I'll pass on the pork.
Posted by: Tom Sightings | March 22, 2013 at 06:58 PM
Sydney
This is a good post about the dreams, fantasies and goals that make a retirement great. My hubby and I and our two lovely Lhasas like to sail the Caribbean waters for about half the year. We spend the other half of the year on land. This duality works well for us. It is always good to get on the boat, for a simpler life and some adventure. And then it is good to get home to a large bed, shower, garden, friends and family. Oh, life is good!
Posted by: nohalfmeasures | March 23, 2013 at 10:19 AM
hohalfmeasures: Sounds like you have struck the perfect balance! And I love that your doggies are sailors.
Posted by: Retired Syd | March 24, 2013 at 08:57 AM
Sydney,
I recently came upon your blog and am really enjoying reading it. I think you have indeed found your ideal retirement.
After I retired my wife and I actually did live for three years in her home country, the Philippines I met quite a few American expats there, some of whom found their dream of retiring abroad a fulfilled dream,and others who had found their dream of retiring abroad had become a nightmare. My advice for those considering such a move would be to research the country/countries you're interested in and then visit for at least a few months before making a major life decision like selling your house. thanks and I look forward to your next blog.
Posted by: richard | March 25, 2013 at 04:04 AM
No matter where you go, there you are? Where to go? Now there's the rub? Like Goldie Lock's quandary:) I hear ya syd
Posted by: fred doe | March 28, 2013 at 10:19 AM
Good article. I had recently come across another one that discussed how cheap it was to live in one of the Caribbean Islands or somewhere. I thought that was pretty cool and, while I had never considered it before, find the idea intriguing to say the least. Not sure if my wife would agree and don't know how long I could be away but it's a nice thought. Maybe a 6 month stint?
Posted by: Rick Jantz | March 31, 2013 at 03:59 PM
I, unfortunately am not retired yet but look forward to it. I am not so sure I will stop working (I rather enjoy what I do) however the moments of knowing I can retire anywhere and at the right time is looking like a luxury I am excited for. This was a great article, it really makes you think. As of this exact moment I want to in Cabo San Lucas or Portugal ;).
Posted by: Rosie@CT Party Bus | April 22, 2013 at 01:38 PM