A Slap in the Face from Perspective

(Photo Details:  Flowers at the 911 Memorial, NYC)

Perspective has been a bitch this week.

My oldest friend’s 22-year daughter died this week.  To be more clear, my friend isn’t old, my friendship with her is—I’ve known her since the fourth grade.  Anyway, it’s been a bad week.

She and her husband got a new perspective this week, one that no one really wants.  But they were able to find perspective funny the night their daughter died.  When they left the hospital that night, they stayed at a local hotel before returning to their hometown the next day.  When they checked in, the clerk said, “Oh my gosh I’ve had the WORST day.  I forgot my password and . . . (I can’t remember the rest, but you get the idea.)  Of course they didn’t tell him what a REALLY bad day is.  And they didn’t begrudge him--they just found the humor in the situation.

The little clicking sound on my turn signal is broken in my car.  The signal works, and you can see the flashing arrow on the dashboard, but there is no clicking noise to let you know if it’s still on.   Today, I was out running errands to help get ready for the memorial service. 

At a stoplight, someone behind me in a gray Prius started honking at me.  I couldn’t see who was driving so I thought it might be my husband Doug—our other car is a gray Prius.  He kept honking so I pulled over to the slower lane after the light changed so I could see who was driving.  It wasn’t Doug.  The driver rolled down his window and said, “Your blinker was on, your blinker was on, your blinker was on,” and he made little flashing motions with his hands.  I said ok and thanked him.

And then I thought how stupid it was for him to honk at me over that.  I see little old ladies with their blinkers on all the time and I just deal with it.  So what, I’m that little old lady now, so what.  I wish I didn’t thank him.  I wish I said, “That must have been very annoying.”

In any case, I made a new resolution today.  Next time someone is annoying me because they are tailgating me, I’m going to pull over to the slower lane even if they could just pass me in the faster lane.  Even if I’m exceeding the speed limit already.  Instead of thinking, “What a jerk,” I’m going to think maybe it’s a couple racing to the emergency room because their only daughter, the love of their life, took an overdose of pills.

And next time I see someone with their blinker stuck on, I’m going to think, oh no, there’s a woman who’s preoccupied with worry about a dear friend.

Related Posts:

            Making Resolutions that Stick

            Permission to Bail on That

            Quality of Life

 

Can’t keep track of my non-existent posting schedule?  Subscribe—it’s free!

Comments

[Retired To Win]

Whenever I start "going off" over some actually minor thing, my wife always reminds me that, and I quote, "It's not the end of the world." If I allow myself to stop and think about that, I can usually disengage from the upset that I am about to plunge myself into.

But as I began reading your post, I was getting a different take on the perspective theme. I thought of how that 22-year old person must have assumed that she had decades yet to do what she wanted with her life. And she didn't. THAT perspective which almost everyone has (that there's always time, there's always tomorrow) keeps too many people from taking action to get free ASAP of their obligatory jobs and start living for themselves.

But there are no guarantees. Which is a big reason why I did everything I could to reach earlier retirement as soon as I could. Once I had seen the light, that is.

[Mona McGinnis]

Syd, my kindest regards to you and your friends. A motivational speaker once said - Birth: big stuff. Death: big stuff. Everything in between: little stuff.

[TigerlilyG]

Beautiful perspective and said Syd. Sending so much love.

[Retired Syd]

Mona: That's a great quote.

RtW: It's true, it reminds you in so many ways to try and live the life you want right now. It's so sad to think, though, that she didn't want a tomorrow anymore.

Tiger: Thank you--she asked me to thank you for your lovely text message. I forwarded it to her yesterday.

[Tom Sightings]

So sorry to hear of your friend's daughter ... and I get it,about the perspective.

[Janette]

Perspective.
Deepest condolences to you and your friend.

My high school group has lost several children. I cannot imagine the pain.

[Pam]

My 23-yr-old and I argued over something stupid earlier today. After I read your post, I was reminded that life is fleeting. I told my girl I was sorry and held her close to my heart as I whispered a prayer for your friend's huge loss.

[Madeline]

I think so many of the stupid things we do and say are related to the "hurry-sickness" of our culture. When we consciously just SLOW DOWN, a lot of little crap ceases to be so "annoying" or important."

Taking time to experience Life as a Flow and not a race... well, that's a new perspective for many..

And I am so sorry for your loss and the loss of your friends. I can't fathom anything worse than losing one's child.

[Janis]

Thank you for the reminder about maintaining the proper perspective. Too bad it often takes a BIG THING to realize how small the little things are.

[Di]

I'm so sorry Syd xx

[Retired Syd]

To all of you: Thanks so much for your kind and insightful comments.

[Tamara R]

Syd, Very moved by what you have written, and it has left me with much to ponder in my own day to day life. Thank you for writing and being willing to put up such a powerful post.

My deepest compassion goes out to your friends. I am so terribly, terribly sorry for their loss.

[Rin Porter]

Thank you for posting about this sad week in your life. I needed to be reminded about perspective. Most of the things we worry about are not important. "Don't sweat the small stuff" is what we frequently tell one another. The lost of your friend's precious daughter is what's really important.