(Photo Details: Subway home from the Yankee's game two years ago, back when I was actually young.)
Only seven years ago, people used to say, upon hearing that I was retired, “Wow, you are so young to be retired.”
At some point over the last seven years, that stopped happening. Maybe a couple of years ago, I’m not sure. But no one really says that anymore when I mention that I am retired.
Last year, when I was here in New York with my friend Kendra and her daughter Taylor, there was an incident on the subway. An incident. I thought it was a fluke. We were riding the Lexington Avenue Express down to The Stand comedy club--forgive me if I’ve already told you this story, that sometimes happens with us old people. As the subway pulled out of the 86th Street station, a woman--who had to be in her mid-to late-60’s--leaned past Taylor, past Kendra and said, directly to me, “Would you like to sit down?”
I looked around. She was definitely talking to me. She was offering her seat to me. She wasn’t just offering it to me, she was leaning all the way across the subway car to get my attention--around Taylor, and around Kendra--who by the way is only one year younger than I am. Did I mention, I was only 50 at the time? I was at least a decade younger than this woman.
She had some nerve.
New Yorkers are very polite in this respect. I often see someone giving their seat to a pregnant woman, a disabled person, and yes, the elderly. I’ve done it myself. But when did I become that elderly person? (Trust me, she didn’t think I was pregnant.)
I kind of forgot about this incident, even wrote it off as just a whacky New York experience, of which I’ve had many. But then two nights ago, Doug and I went down to dinner at Bond Street, a hip sushi restaurant we both love. The 6 train was under some construction this weekend, so it was not making stops between 14th Street and Brooklyn Bridge. Although we had already walked seven miles of Manhattan streets that day, we decided to walk from 14th street. That’s how young and vibrant we are.
At the restaurant, the hostess asked us to wait in the bar—our table would be ready in about 10 minutes. So we squeezed around some people and found a place out of the way of the front door and—here it comes—a young woman offered me her seat in the bar! At least this woman was actually younger than I am--by several decades. But still . . .
Last night we went to the Comedy Cellar. And after the show, we walked over to another cool Chinese restaurant that we love in the West Village.
When we used to come to New York, before we started using home exchange, we always stayed downtown. We hardly ever ventured above 14th Street. Maybe to go to a Broadway show, or to go to our favorite jazz venue in Columbus Circle. But that was it, all the action is below 14th Street: the late-night dining scene, the jazz clubs, the comedy clubs, the vibe, the buzz.
We only started staying in the Upper East Side (a neighborhood I had previously written off as too old for us) because that’s where we found home exchange partners that wanted to exchange with us for a month every year in August.
But last night, while sipping my shiso cucumber martini and enjoying the Katz’s pastrami eggroll at RedFarm, I looked around. Doug and I were the oldest people in the restaurant. By a lot. Given the chance, these people would likely offer their seat to me in the subway.
I realized that sometime over the last five years of our home exchanges to New York, it happened. We actually belong in the Upper East Side now. How did this happen? I still feel young. I still feel healthy. In fact I am healthy--my cholesterol is low, my blood pressure is low, and no, I don’t need your seat on the subway!
But there it is. I’m a person that defines healthy with words like cholesterol and blood pressure. These are terms that wouldn’t even occur to an actual young person.
So now I know, there are three phases of aging. The first phase is where you feel young because you actually are young. The third phase is where you feel old because you actually are old. And the phase in-between is where you feel young but everyone thinks you need to sit down.
Related Posts:
Am I Really Getting Older Like Everyone Else Is?
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Oh my, I'm right there with you! I haven't had anyone offer me their seat yet, but there are other signs that I'm actually starting to look as old as I am (59). Although I still have very nice people tell me that I don't look like I'm about to turn 60, I no longer have people tell me that I look too young to be retired. I exercise, my weight is good, blood pressure low, and I eat pretty healthily. But, somehow I have recently acquired my mother's arms and neck. I'm sure it won't be much longer until I have well-meaning people offering me their seat. How in the heck did that happen?
Posted by: Janis | August 18, 2015 at 04:19 PM
Yaaayyy!!! Another blog post and very funny too boot. ;-) Welcome back!
Posted by: Linda Vaughn | August 18, 2015 at 04:39 PM
I feel your pain, Sydney!
I went shopping with a friend who is 7 years younger than I, and an acquaintance stopped to say hello....and asked me if she was my daughter!!
Aging... We gotta have a sense of humor about it.
And laughing about it makes us feel better. :0)
Thanks for connecting so well with your readers!
Posted by: Angela | August 18, 2015 at 07:13 PM
Great blog post!! I think when you feel young, it's hard to believe that you look old to some people. I remember being in my 20's, and I thought that people in their 50's and 60's were "old". And sometimes I catch myself looking at young people now wondering how they see me. I hope they see my young spirit, but in reality they probably see wrinkles, how I walk slowly when getting up from a seat and some flab I wish I didn't have. I guess it's just a fact of life, and it's becoming much more apparent as I get ready to turn 60 next year. But I'm hanging on to my "youthful spirit" despite what anyone thinks...
Posted by: Diane | August 18, 2015 at 07:32 PM
I feel your pain! Imagine being in a regular college class with all twenty year olds. Seriously, the younger I feel (mostly) the older I am it seems. Most of the time I fit in. Just when I remind myself I'm just middle aged though, I look in the mirror and see that chest and those upper arms-the result of a youth of over doing that sun thing.
I waver between being the girl who wants to couch surf and maybe sleep in her car on the gulf coast, and the one who counts the year to when she'll be eligible for every senior offer ever invented!
Posted by: Barb@livingrichlyinretirement | August 18, 2015 at 10:10 PM
Janis: Don't even get me started on the neck! (For a great read, get Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck." Hilarious!)
Linda: Thank you!
Angela: Ouch! (I'm sure she just looked really young.)
Diane: To think I used to complain in my 20's when everyone used to say that I looked so young. I hated that!
Barb: In that respect I think I was always old--I've always preferred an actual bed. No car camping or couch surfing for me!
Posted by: Retired Syd | August 19, 2015 at 03:46 AM
Good post Syd. Yeah, 50 is just about where it started happening to me too. But now that I am quickly approaching 70 that was years ago. Wait for phase 3, it happens without warning. As I tell people now I think my warranty expired when I hit 60 and it has been down hill ever since. :) But even still everyday is an adventure. Just a little more docile I guess. Now I really need that seat when someone offers it (ha).
Posted by: RJ | August 19, 2015 at 05:13 AM
Syd: Hilarious! I've also been noticing that people aren't telling me any more that I'm too young to be retired. But then I'm only in my 50's for another week and a half.
Isn't it wonderful though to not need that offered seat yet? Another thing to be grateful for.
Posted by: Rose | August 19, 2015 at 05:51 AM
Well, in a few years when you get too old for the Upper East Side, you can come along and join us oldsters in the (gasp! horrors!) suburbs!
Posted by: Tom Sightings | August 19, 2015 at 06:40 AM
Tom: Good try, but my real home is in the suburbs and we're still among the oldest. It's mostly young families! Maybe Florida?
Rose and RJ: Yes, my father-in-law emailed this to me today "The next stage of aging is when someone offers you a seat in the subway and you GLADLY accept. Take it from someone who knows."
Posted by: Retired Syd | August 19, 2015 at 06:52 AM
Oh, yes, the neck. I remember being at a wedding reception and a fellow in the group asked why we women all wore high necklines. Really, Rick??!! And then there are those times at the store when a young clerk asks if I'm eligible for the seniors' discount. How old do you have to be? And like Maya Angelou said, waiting to see which breast wins the race south first!
Posted by: Mona McGinnis | August 19, 2015 at 08:19 AM
Oh yes . . . at some point these past two years I've began to absolutely loath having my photo taken. I mean seriously, what the heck is happening to my face???
I have spent much of my life outdoors enjoying all types of wonderful activities, and while I wouldn't change a thing, I am surely going to pay for it going forward. My solution is to keep my energy high by continuing to engage in all the outdoor activities I love so much. My face may increasingly say 'older' but my energy says 'but still having fun!'
Posted by: Tamara | August 19, 2015 at 08:50 AM
I think this is not so bad. People are nice to you, they offer you places to sit and you still feel young. And how you feel is ultimately all that matters.
Posted by: GailD | August 19, 2015 at 09:17 PM
I was going to suggest that book! I also wanted to suggest another of hers that enjoyed immensely. I couldn't remember the title, so I googled it. OMG, it's "I Remember Nothing" (insert forehead smack here).
I bought a retirement home in Sun City Palm Desert when I was 47. I got a kick out of going there because I was constantly being told I was "too young". Now that I'm officially "old enough", I don't hear that so much any more...
Finally, DH is three years younger than I am. His hair is getting pretty sparse and what's left is completely grey. My hair is still mostly dark, so no one ever believes he's younger. And God love him, he says I still look like my high school senior photo. I'll take my victories, however small, wherever I can get them.
Good to see a new post, Syd. Thanks!
Posted by: Diane C | August 20, 2015 at 06:33 AM
Diane C: I loved that book too!
Mona: Well at least the neck thing is universal--I'm seeing it on all of my male friends too.
Tamara: I get that--I just made Doug remove a lovely photo with the Brooklyn Bridge, the Manhattan Bridge, and my three chins from Facebook!
GailD: As long as we can keep our sense of humor, I think it will all be fine!
Posted by: Retired Syd | August 20, 2015 at 07:06 AM
Syd, my experience has been rather different from yours: for the last decade and a half I've looked older than I really am. In part it's because I've been a literal "graybeard" over that time. I realized long ago that I really didn't care so I didn't give it much thought. But now that I'm eligible for the various senior perks, most notably getting my lifetime National Parks senior pass several months ago at Arches NP on my birthday, my age finally matches my appearance. So, I've never once been questioned when I ask for the senior discount on a movie ticket or checking in at at motel. It is what it is.
But what gets me feeling old is watching my young friends age! I've been ensconced in my remote rural community since I early retired here seventeen years ago. And that's a lot of years to watch the children of friends grow up and move away and to see those friends show signs of aging in recent years. If my young friends are getting old, what does that make me?
Posted by: dgpcolorado | August 20, 2015 at 12:45 PM
I feel terrific. But unfortunately, I don't look terrific.
It happens all of a sudden, Syd.
You wake up one morning and BAM!!!!!
You're old.
Happens to all of us, if it's any comfort.
Over our lifespan, we're going to be old for a very long time. Enjoy it.
Because if you're not old, you're dead!
Posted by: Cindi | August 20, 2015 at 12:46 PM
dpg: I know exactly what you mean about my friends' kids. I feel the same as I did when they were born, how can they be going off to college now?
Cindi: Yep, it beats the alternative.
Posted by: Retired Syd | August 20, 2015 at 12:52 PM
Syd, one last thing. When I remarried, I married a great guy 7 years younger than me! Thanks to him, I always look younger myself. I love it when people think DH is OLDER than me! Hey, if guys can do it (marry younger women) so can we women!
Lastly, when we vacationed in Milan, Italy in 2007, DH and I took the Italian local trains for the first time. As soon as I boarded, a delightful elderly Italian gentleman, immediately rose and offered me his seat. I said 'grazia' and did not think it was because I was old. I think he offered me his seat out of respect and because I looked so good (and beautiful) Hey! It's all how we think about it. Presentation is key.
No one ever offered me a seat on a NYC subway!
Just a thought!
Have fun. That's what it's all about (provided we don't look in the mirror).
Posted by: Cindi | August 21, 2015 at 09:08 AM
Cindi: I would like to adopt that theory, except both the people that offered their seats to me were women!
Posted by: Retired Syd | August 21, 2015 at 12:20 PM
I just had that happen for the first time. It shocked me. I'm 50 and newly retired and trying to figure all this out. Glad I found your blog :)
Jana in So Cal
Posted by: Jana | August 22, 2015 at 02:08 PM
Oh cry me a river. Whaa! I'm getting old. Well at 62 I feel for you but I just can't reach you:) After all it's better than the alternative. For me it's when a young person calls me sir. I just snap back with don't call me sir I worked for a living. And yes I'm collecting that S.S Check and living the life. But at 62 I know " Someday this War will be Over":) You take that how you want. Syd will there come a time in the near future when you fold up your blog with a "goodbye and good luck?
Posted by: fred doe | August 28, 2015 at 10:17 AM
fred: Every once in awhile I do think of folding up the blog, but then I think of something I want to post. So I doubt it. I enjoy the "conversations" whenever I do get around to posting, as infrequently as that might be . . .
Posted by: Retired Syd | August 28, 2015 at 10:28 AM
Syd
I hope you do not fold the blog ! I just recently found it and have finished reading it from beginning to end. You have given me much inspiration. I am hoping to "pre-tire" in the next year. I have been reading a variety of blogs over the past 6 months ( Mr Money Mustache, Early Retirement Extreme etc) but I was so excited to stumble onto yours - as you are fairly near my age- I am 55.
Additionally, I am also an only child, my husband's name is Doug & he is a retired CPA, and we have no children, and I lost my mother to cancer when I was 18. Anyway, I feel very close to you after reading your blog. I have never even met any other person my age who is both and only child and does not have children- people feel sorry for me all the time and ask who will take care of me when I am old--LOL-- but, from now on, I will use your line and tell them, "the nice people at the Assisted Living facility- the same ones that will take care of you". I work in physical therapy in a skilled nursing and Assisted living facility and it is very true!. Thanks !!
Posted by: Sally Rader | August 29, 2015 at 06:47 PM
Sally: Well see? THAT's exactly why I can't fold up the blog. Messages like yours! Thank you so much for he nice message, and how interesting that we have so many things in common. Sorry to read about your mom, you know I know how that is. Especially for an only child. Thanks again for taking the time to chime in, I really appreciate it.
Posted by: Retired Syd | August 30, 2015 at 08:07 AM