Why I Would Rather Be Retired Than Run for President

(Photo Details:  My kitty.  Why? Because she is so cute.)

Here’s a little story.

I graduated from U.C. Santa Barbara with a degree in Business Economics with an Accounting emphasis.  I went to work after college for a “Big 8” accounting firm.  Four years later, after earning my CPA license, I left public accounting to work as the Controller of a venture capital firm.  Several years later, I was promoted to CFO.  And after 18 years of working there, I retired.  Some other facts:

1) When I retired, the guy who replaced me was offered a salary and bonus package that was almost 50% higher than mine.  His bio read much like mine, same college, same major, same Big 8 experience, same venture capital experience.  Except that he graduated a year after I did.

2) Every CFO before me and every CFO after me, was invited to attend in the weekly partner meetings.  I was not.

3) Every CFO before and after me was a man.

But I did very well at this firm, amassing enough money to retire at the age of 44. 

So that’s one story.  Here’s another one. 

When I started my career, I worked in the tax division of a Big 8 accounting firm.  Every so often, a partner would take each of us to lunch.  A “mentoring” lunch where they would share their wisdom on how we could be successful.  One such time, I scored a big “win,” the head of the tax division was my lunch-time mentor.  He spent most of the lunch telling me about how he had the great advantage of looking old when he was younger.  Because he was prematurely gray or prematurely bald or something like that.  I forget, it was so irrelevant to my situation.  He attributed much of his success to this.  

He told me I looked very young so the wisdom he passed along to me was, “Maybe don’t smile so much.”

These are just two of my stories.  Maybe you have some stories too.

While apparently, I smile too much, Hillary Clinton smiles to little.  She’s not relatable, she’s shrill, she doesn’t have the right experience.  Oh yeah, and she doesn’t laugh right.  When I watched the debates on Monday night, I actually yelled expletives not fit to print at the TV when Donald Trump would not stop talking over Hillary Clinton.  I’ve been there too. 

I am not trying to persuade you to vote one way or the other.  You already know how you are voting.  I just wanted to write a post about how this election is making me feel.  I wasn’t even going to write about it but I read these articles today and I wanted to share them, in case you’ve been there too.

Hillary Clinton Will Not Be Manterrupted  (New York Times)

Hillary Clinton’s Everywoman Moment  (New York Times)

Women do ask for pay raises, they just don’t get them (CNN Money)

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Comments

[RJ]

Thanks for the life story Sid, it helps us understand a little more where you come from. I could only stomach about 15 minutes of the debate and then had to change channels. How anyone could vote for that guy is beyond me!! Go Hillary... even if she doesn't smile as much as some would like her to.

[Carol Fay]

Wow, was so disappointed to wake up to another political viewpoint and vote plug...Gee...give us a break.... I also vote based on the positions of the candidates and not because of gender. Ps, I'm a woman, worked corporate for 25+ years and retired at 54. I was treated fairly and equally, and can't share any similiar stories.

[Glenn Lake]

It's too bad you had to go political in a posting my wife and I have enjoyed for years. And because you have, can you answer this question? Why would anyone stay with a spouse that openly had affairs and lied about it in public, even joking about it, unless she was using her gender to work her way up the political ladder?

I hear you say you were passed over because of something you can't change (gender, age or smile?) when just maybe you were not as good as you think so you fixated on one thing your mentor said forgetting the rest? You seem to have done OK being able to retire earlier than most and able to travel so why the poor me pity post? Sour grapes?

[Linda Vaughn]

Speak it, Sister! It's true!

[GMM]

Fantastic post! Women bringing their own personal & matter of fact stories of sexism to light is exactly what's needed to bring about change.

[MARILYN VONALLMEN]

I was not offended by this post. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

[Beth]

Preach.

[Glenn Lake]

My reply was not meant to offend. We all hold ourselves as wiser than the people above us who make decisions... or everyone else. I try to remember this when forming my opinion. Look up the Dunning–Kruger effect. Without actually knowing what was going on behind the scenes in any office situation, we come to conclusions without all the facts. I have been involves in decisions about promotions and such that I disagree with and after hearing the facts many months later changed my opinion completely. Please try to stay clear of politics. The past is just that... past. Otherwise, your post have been very entertaining.

[Robin]

No offense taken by me either. These facts need to be spoken about, loudly and often. My 40+ year career informs me that sexism is still rampant in accounting, law, medicine, and obviously politics. Maybe it will be different when our sons are our age, but only if we keep shining a light on it. :(

[celeste santigy]

a few things come to mind
- did the job responsibilities change after you left which maybe explains the salary increase. often companies use a vacated role to restructure a bigger position.
-did you ever ask why you werent included in the partner meetings? why would you stay if you were so neglected.
- maybe that mentor from 20 years ago was only trying to drum up some harmless conversation. we all get advice we choose to ignore.
seems to me that perhaps you weren't able to market yourself better or werent comfortable confronting management. i would have liked to hear more about what you did to overcome as obviously you've had some good success.

[MBW]

Thank you, Syd. You have expressed so much of my frustration, and I truly appreciate this article. You are brave to put it out there.

Re: negative comments on this post. I'm always amazed by people who can't see (or just don't care) when someone else is bullied or cheated on or gets cancer or injured in an earthquake and it's through no fault of their own--as long as it doesn't happen to them personally it's no big deal, and they blame the victim.

[Walter]

Unfortunately, I am one those who retired from something, not to something. I was a high level state government administrator and my work was my identity and passion. I retired almost three years ago. Not being a hobby or volunteer guy, I ended up taking a new job after one year. I am now a minion and work 40 hours per week hating my job. But if I quit, I know what the year without working was like. I am lost, unhappy, and looking for suggestions. I just don’t want the cookie cutter ideas of get a hooby, learn to play an instrument, learn a new language, volunteer. My finances are good, my health, except for my frame of mind, is good, but I regret the day I retired and there is no do over and I hate my current job–not challenging, engaging, etc. Is there a retirement to enjoy just relaxing? Suggestions please!!!

[Marie]

I appreciate this post and have had similar experiences (minus making enough money to retire at 44!). In a job interview, I once had the male interviewer say that he thought "a man would do a better job any day, but he was willing to hire a woman!" Even today, I am shocked he said those words! Needless to say, I did not take that job. So, I'm with you on this one! Thanks for sharing your perspective.

[Retired Syd]

Wow, lots of comments to respond to. First: I'm not interested in debating who should be president. I respect all of your views on that. So I'm not going to tackle the question about Bill and Hillary's sex life. Second: If you read carefully, I never said any this stuff ever held me back, yes I feel I was quite successful despite my inability to control my smile. I don't think being a woman is holding Hillary back either. Third: I purposely didn't mention in my post that my replacement was later fired. So it's probably a hard argument to make that he was better than I was. Fourth: I think things have gotten increasingly better for women over the past several decades so it does not surprise me at all if some other women do not share my experience. I know several younger women that can't relate to my experience at all and I think that's fantastic.

[Elaine]

Syd,

Your post actually made me want to do a really girly thing - cry! Because a bunch of feelings came rushing back and I could so relate to how Hillary was treated on Monday night. Been there, done that and am soooo glad those days are over. Thank you for a post from the heart!

[Joyce]

Amen to your article Syd ! I had already read both of the NY Times articles as well. Can definitely relate to the "working while female" and "manterruption" scenarios. PS - Love your kitty too!

[CMW]

Great to read your post. Stayed up till 2 am here in the UK to watch the debate and didn't understand why the moderator didn't stop him from constantly interrupting. And yes, there is still discrimination after all these years.

[Bridget]

As always, thank you for your post Syd. I was not offended either and glad you shared.

[Steel]

Your political commentary diminishes your blog and what it offers.

I will never understand why so many talented people, (on both sides of the "aisle"), insist on subjecting us to their political views. As polarized as America is now, the best you can hope to accomplish is to lose credibility with at least half your audience.

[Without-a-box-to-check]

Imagine what it is like living in world where everybody gets to check a box but you.

If you are black, latino, asian, pacific Islander, female, gay, transgender, american indian, single mother, over 40, over 50, etc, etc…. you get to check a box and get first dibs jobs, admission to college, promotions, government handouts, etc, etc…..

Why not just make this box checking thing simpler by saying if you are not a white male under 40 then please move to the front of the line.

And though I wasn’t at your firm, perhaps the reason you got your job in the first place was because you were able to check a box….?

A 3.0 GPA isn’t exactly knocking the cover off the ball….Do you really believe there just weren’t any males competing for that job who had actually done a little better?

Quit with the whining already.

We all get screwed from time to time….How about stopping with the knee jerk excuses of race, gender, hair color, weight, etc, etc and ask why they really had no use for you at the partner’s lunch…

VC’s are about making money….And if bringing you to the lunch would have helped the firm achieve that goal, you better believe you would have been invited….

And as for the debate, did you not watch how Trump dealt with the dozen or so men in the republican debates? Interrupting is not something he reserved for Hillary - or any other woman for that matter….

I wish we could just get this election over…..Hillary has been scripted to win this from a long time ago….Once its official, you can finally all rejoice about how great it is to have a woman president…..

But for the life of me I can’t figure out why you didn’t pick a good one….

Raising taxes, adding to our $20T in debt with more entitlements we can’t afford, further dividing the country, getting caught in more lies, etc, etc isn’t exactly helpful to the feminist movement, is it…?

[Janis]

Brave and thoughtful post! Most women - both in and out of the corporate world - have been subjected to excessive interruptions and "mansplaining," and many (most?) of us are pretty tired of it. I hope that you aren't intimidated (I doubt that you are) by those who are trying to shut you up. It's OK for you to speak up.

[Retired Syd]

Steel and Without-a-box: It seems the election has dredged up some strong emotions for you also. Thank you for taking the time to share them with me. I think it's important to try and understand the perspective of other people and I don't begrudge you for sharing your feelings. I appreciate it. In contrast, neither of you has lost credibility with me, even though I'm in the "other half" of the audience. We're humans, we have different experiences and opinions. You are welcome to share yours here anytime.

[Barbara Bomberger]

Can I just say, Yes, this!!!!! I don't consider this political as such, but personal. To those people who have never experienced discrimination (so it must not really exist), revel in the fact that you did not experience any of this, but realize that only means that you were lucky, not that it does not exist.

And as someone who has a thirty something daughter who is a professional, yes, it still goes on. as does discrimination based on race (I mean really, calling someone a "bad dude" from a chopper just because he's black?)

Has it become more subtle? Certainly. Does it still exist? You bet.

[deegee]

I'm just glad to see you posting here again more often. Great cat picture!

I was yelling at the TV all the time while watching the debate, most of the time "WRONG!" at Trump when he said something the fact-checkers had already slammed him for. And those interruptions became really annoying when trying to pay attention to what she was saying.

You got even with all those nasty CFOs by living a good life and retiring at 44, a year before I did (so you have my unyielding respect).

[jacqui583]

Don't you just *love* it when folks believe they are more of an authority on your own lived experience than you are? How ironic that there is some serious mansplaining going on right here in the comments on a post about mansplaining LOL

Let me begin with this is your blog and you post whatever you please. Having said that, I see this as more a post about how women are treated in the workplace than it is about politics in general. Those of us that have been there see that. And as a previous poster alluded to, just because someone hasn't experienced it personally doesn't mean it isn't a thing (and an extremely common thing at that).